The eyes have it-

So as of late, there has been an odd trend of my getting e-mails from my various personal ads commenting on my eyes. I guess, at least in pictures that they are a presense to be reckoned with. This has made me start to take stock of my status as a viable dater.

The truth of the matter is I should most likely take down my ads. I have had more than a handful of responses over the past couple of months but have barely even pursued it. Bewteen being jobless (I don't want soemone to pay my way--if oonly because i would feel like I should put out.) the weight gain (which has started to go as of late due to lack of carbs in my life) and just a feeling of not being social acceptable (this mostly due to the car issue).

But the real quesstion is hwy don't I feel ready? I get very worked up at points about the lacck of "gayneess" to my life and yet i do nothing to change this status. I can't tell if it a lack of believe in love, a general uncertainess or the fact that I don't feel "cute" enough. (i say cute because i am not a sexy beast and have dealt with this issue more than a blackdealer deals cards.) part of me wants to explore the problem but part of me says "keeep on trucking".

I wonder often if I am the only one with this hang up. This feeling of just not being enough to really try for someone else. And while I have momments of brief flirtation at the ned of the day I just can't seem to get in with. But who knows? Maybe I am still hopiing that the right guy will shows up in my 11th grade english on the nice Harley while the soundtrack to "grease 2" plays over the intercom. Because if that happened then i would just up on board.