So, once again.... I managed to fuck up. Not sure what will happen with this yet but am prepared for war... Packing buckshot... Lol.

Started fine enough, Kise and I decided at last nights PADWAD meeting to hang out today... I'm going to help shop for Christmas presents and stuff.... Sounded fun and got me out of the house for a bit and so.... Off we were, to Target and Tilly's and other random stores.... We had alot of fun just hanging out and doing stuff... Something that I haven't done much with her. Kise is one of those people who you can tell wants to be your friend and hang out and stuff. It's a little heady at times, the admiration but also quite intimadating....

So, we were on our way back and stopped of to get some drugs from the market and somehow PADWAD came up... And I guess I was tired or something but suddenly I was spouting off about all these concerns I had about the group and our progress and porjects. I basically said some stuff like how I have problems working with Ruby and that we were too attached to the tragic-light film and how I felt the group wasn't a strong avenue for encouraging our seprate arts... Kise, of course, was a little freaked out and hurt and felt I was stressing too much and stated that maybe I needed not to come to meetings if I felt this way....

I do love the meetings, the work and the artistic roundtable the group allows for us. I was just tired and a little frustrated and I now I've opened the mouth too much. Because I did go off on Ruby among other things and now I'm worried that Kise will tell her what happened. She won't do it to be mean but to try and fix the problems. Which are hardly there and not to the extent that I made it sound.

So now I'm just waiting for a phone call and to be busted. But maybe I am overthinking this too. I tend to do that.