The Ghosts of Realtionships past....

So, Charity called me today and asked me to go with her to the Pier One Christmas party... This did give me pause to think, what with Vera back at the store and the large possibilty that she might bring Enrique....

Okay, Enrique was last serious boyfriend in LA and the reason that I quit Pier One among other things. It was the first break up where I felt like the only adult thing to do was to leave... That even though I was in love with the guy that I couldn't stay with someone with whom things were destined not to work out.... I saw more potenial than product with him... I wanted a guy who might wanna do the ceremony on the beach in front of our families, adopt a few kids from overseas maybe.....

Unfortunately, he wanted a guy who had no problems with threesomes, long times apart and no close firends to get in the way.... So, even though we both cried (alot) it was decided that breaking up was the best thing to do... It was all very civil and well managed except for a couple of things...

After spending two days begging me to come back he finally called me late one night just to talk as friends... He then proceeded to tell me about the hot guy at work that he always liked had asked him out on a date and that he was going the next day... I didn't take this well and proceeded to be pissed off though I didn't say much about it at the time... After a couple days of avoiding him and his phone calls, I decided to call Vera to talk.

Vera and I had been fast friends at the store and were even closer when I started to date Enrique. He worked for the company too, with us briefly and then at another location. But when things got bad, she always said we would all stay friends... This turned out not to be the case at all--leading to her lying about Enrique being at her house the night I called and picking up another line to listen in. I was pouring my heart out to her when he breaks in with "hey you wanted to do this...." Needless to say I was pissed and embrassed by the whole fiasco and didn't speak to him or her for about six months.

It wasn't till I found out that he was moving to Saleanas (Near SF) that I decided to call him up to talk. I was better off than I had been in months. At a fun new job and distarcting myself with all that entalied. We went out, had dinner, shopped and then hooked for ex-sex... We promised to keep talking but it didn't really happen.

Well, later on I found out from Mickey (his other ex, former roomate and guy that I was kind of sleeping with.... I know, I know) that Enrique had been flipped out about that night and had been telling people like him and Vera that maybe he made a mistake and should have done something more to keep me with him. I was startled by this and kind of touched in that bad Aaron Spelling drama type of way....

And now he is back in LA. I have known this for awhile and have been in several sitatutions where I have almost run into him. And he lives with Vera, works for a different company but still knows all the gang at Pier One and so there was a huge chance that I would run into him.

But I didn't and the reason that he didn't come was simple... Vera told me after a couple hours of drinking (this girl would give you her pin, social and credit cards after a couple) that he couldn't face him because he didn't know what he would do if I was in his life.... That he still wanted me and that it was too much pressure for him...

I guess this should have made me happy but at the end of the day--it is just sad. Mostly because we will run into each sooner than later and something will have to be decided. I mean, I just want him as a friend....maybe hook up...but not as a relationship. And as I try to reconnect with people like Vera his ghost will be in the way. Just because no one what will happen when we do see each other. And I don't even know myself.... I just want to get it out of the way.