Loser/Gainer

I have spent the last week with an unending case of hunger. I'm not sure what this is all about but I have been fighting the urge to eat everything not chained down. It isn't, as Lola suggested, some diet issue about food cravings and it isn't, as Edie suggested, anything to do with my workout plans, but something more.

Because I have been craving things I never want. Like I made myself go out in the pouring rain to get sour cream for chili. I don't like sour cream. I loath the texture and feel guilty about the idea of eating due to how unhealthy it is.

I have made myself hunt down cherry frosted Pop Tarts. Even though I don't like sweet things at all. Even though they can only be found in boxes of six which means I will have to eat the whole box. (eventually. not in a bing way) I even ate one untoasted which is a HUGE waste of a pop tart.

I can't figure out why I am doing this. Nothing in my life should make me feel this empty that all i can do is stuff tings down my throat. I'm on the edge of happy and it is just there for me to jump into.

Unless I'm trying to bulk up to weigh myself down for the pluge. So that if I trust enough to leap at happiness I will make damn sure I sink all the way into it.