Nothing But Heartcakes

So I haven't been writing much. The reason isn't the usual 'oh I am boring' but rather that I have been kind of afraid to put out there what is going on with me. Mostly because some of it could be used against me at a later date. But it does me no favors to just hide out.

The biggest thing-ha!-going on right now is that I am quite possibly in mid-infatuation with a new guy. Now without going into all the details, let's just say that he and I talk a lot everyday and we're gearing up for the first date this upcoming weekend. And I am scared shitless by the whole thing.

I mean-I am not a sweet, hearts and flowers (we all know how I feel about flowers), gushing guy. I am snarky and flirty and inappropriate more than some foolish romantic and yet for some reason this seems to be where my head wants to go. (Though I fight with all my might) It is just the first time that I feel like I have ever had chemistry with someone--in the sense of what 'chemistry' means romanticly.

And I know that sounds cheesy and weird but I have been around the block a few times with a number of different guys. I know that I am not coming from some 'babe in the woods' ideal that some people do but I have never had someone who seems to be so in line with me mentally, so in synch with me about so much and just on top of all the right things. It drives me to distraction, I can't help myself when we talk and I just feel like this could be important. So much so that I feel at a loss at what to do next.

I mean--I know that we'll have the date. I know we won't be sleeping together because I want much more than that. I have to try and calm down. I have to make sure I eat and sleep and do normal things as opposed to constant navel gazing. And yet I can't help myself and this kind of scares me. Heart on the line and all.

What is even scarier is I know that there is a good chance he will be reading this. And yet--this is the first risk of some many more risks to come with him. I am assuming it will be the first or else it is nothing but heartaches.