Goody Bye/Hello and Hello/Good Bye

2008 has come to an end. It was a year of me working on doing more for others; a year were most of my choices weren't really about myself as much as they were about being there for other people. Some people would think this was a mistake or a waste of time but by allowing me to make others a priority I allowed myself more freedom.

So much of the time I put so much pressure on myself. To be a certain way, to do certain things or to not be a certain way or to let certain things go because they seem like they are impossible. I am my own worst critic and also the first to downplay my abilities and truimphs.

But somehow, by taking my own goals out of the equation I managed to make the most impossible things happen in my life. It was like by giving myself a break from the overthinking and planning, drama and introspection I suddenly allowed myself more time for more realistic goals.

It was a year of change that went by mostly by chance then planning and it was a year of learning that I can make changes if I don't oversell or overplan.

I was a go-go dancer.

I was a bridesmaid.

I was able to finally see the start of ab lines and a flatter stomach

I was able to start and really create a strong first novel

I took back my professional reputation from those that doubted me

I was able to take back my heart from past hurts and play it forward

I was braver than I thought

I was sexier than I knew

I was more heartfelt and passionate about things that matter

I was able to do right (mostly) by those I love

I learned how to be a better friend

I learned how to harp less on the negative

I saw what was important

I also saw what was not

And I was able to let more people into my life.

And while 2009 is only a few days in I already can feel myself recommitting to things that matter, continuing to be creative and brave, to trying to continue to create and nourish the things that matter and learn to let what does not make me happy is what I need to learn to let go.

Here's hoping that 2009 is the year of fine.