The Worst Three Hours Ever

I know I haven't blogged in a while--mostly because being unemployed makes you feel like you have the time to do more and yet somehow less gets accomplished at the same time. That being said--Ihad something happen yeseterday that makes me take to my words.

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like I was hit three times in a row and for no really reason. Just take a hit and walk it off.

I finally got the call for certain about plans for Big Medicine 2. I had already been in discusses about the show and wasn't sure what was going to happen. Basically it was decided by a combination of things that they were going to head in a new direction per TLC and so they needed sopme different staff. And while I was surprised I was being asked back in the same job--they were willing to offer a similiar idea and I was hope to it because I adore the new team. What I wasn't expecting was to be told if I came back it would be what breaks dopwn to a serious demotion in the finiancial sense. And they felt bad and said I shouldn't come back for what was being offered. I was upset because I worked my ass of for that show and felt like I was being tyhrow away. I know Nolan would not be surprised by this but I was.

Afterwards I called my mother because it was her birthday. She was a bit cranky and snapped at me. I asked what was going on and I found out that a dear family friend of ours finally passed away the night before from his end stage cancer. This hit me extremely hard--Ralph Grossi was honestly one of the most amazing people I have ever known.

I have met a lot of 'artist' and 'art lovers' but no one quite like Raplh. He was one of those people who was so into film (not movies) and not in the usual LA way of 'who's in, who directed it, is it super cool, is it artsy?'. He loved film--alll film--with a joy that was always amazing. He would watch anything, enjoyed everything and always loved the magic of a story. He was someone he loved it simply and fully--someone who played a huge part in my life when it came time to chose to try and be a creative person. He always made me promise to love what I do--because the love of a story is the most important part. And I will always remember how he excited he became whenever we talked about films. Just a joy and a light that while I know he's better off--it still breaks my heart.

Finally--in a daze after both these moments--I went to the story to get some wine and dinner. I was on edge and then I ran into Fernando. Fernando is my first LA ex, the one that I learned a lot about myself form dating, someone who did things I have never quite forgiven and not since in three years or so. I had just found out that he had married Rory 2.0 (As our friends from the relationship dubbed him) so I was in shock to walk straight into him and his husband as I was picking wines. We didn't say anything and just had an odd moment of silence then his husband wandered up and kissed him and I was just like 'OH MY GOD.' (One because Carl does look like me and two because EVERYONE is in a serious rel;ationship but me.)

It just felt like everything was fucked with in the course of three hours--you not that good at your job, someone who once upon a time saved your life has passed on and everyone included the guy who never wanted to get married but is now married so it might just be you--all happened and well lets just say I had a bit of a Brittney Spears moment. Though no children were hurt.



I'm ready for this to be over