A Little Fall of Rain

So I finally saw Samuel again this past Friday. It's weird--it wasn't something I was looking forward to but like housewrok and bills and calling your parents it felt like something that I should do. If we were going to continue to work on being friends then I did need to see him or let it go.

I know that to anyone who has read my blog knows my views on Samuel change easily from time to time. I'm fine, I'm not, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm glad... I guess it's because how much of the current 'us' is a work in progress with many steps and missteps to be had.

I saw him at the BR in Burbank with some friends. We had a weird beat where he was hugging people and didn't know if he should hug me. I let him even though I wasn't sure it was what I wanted but it was what the moment called for. It felt strange to have him back around, laughing and talking and just being himself while everything else felt different for me.

But I think it also allowed me to make peace with it all. I mean--sure there was a couple of awkward moments and most of the friends with us didn't allow for us to be alone whether they meant to or not but it was for the most part fine. I think I know what I want out of all this. And if that's all I got than it's enough.

But the rest of night and what it stirred up is best left for me and me alone. I wonder if he has any thoughts about it all. I also wonder if I should know what those are