Cardigan, Merlot, and Prose

So this weekend was a bit tiring but a much needed break from social things... I realized that I hadn’t been super honest about how I was feeling because I have been constantly pushing things down for the benefit of others. It might sound like I’m coming down on people—my friends—for saying that but I made the choice to stay silent.

It didn’t really help that in the aftermath most people just trashed my relationship and the boy to my face pretty quickly. And that makes it hard to be honest and raw when on some level you suspect that the person you’re talking to is judging you for being stupid to have given some much to someone so clearly not deserving.

So I just stopped putting my feelings out there when I was out with people. Part of the reason I kept such a low profile wasn’t that I wanted to be alone but I wanted to talk about my feelings and the boy and my mistakes but felt that I didn’t have an avenue to. Which is unfair in some cases but true in others. But now I know where I went wrong that in that thought process.

Of course I realized all of this after spending a night or two with Dorothy Parker and cheap merlot and cuddly clothing. Which was originally what I was going to be writing about but I chose to be honest instead.

Thanks to Heddy for giving me room to be honest. I think I needed it.