Maybe I’m Right, Maybe I’m Wrong, Mostly I’m Just Confused.

As of late I haven’t felt like a good friend. I feel like some things are going on and I have to adjust them but I’m not sure if I have the right or if it’s even really worth it. It’s not everyone or everything but a handful of people that I just feel like I’m edge with and it’s starting to get to the point of no return whether I want it to be.

First of there’s Lindsay. For a while now I haven’t really been feeling comfortable with her and its starting to show around the edges. At first I thought maybe I was seeing things and that I was being a bit too sensitive about things. Then a handful of events happened which made me realize that I might not be as off as I thought. It just feels that whatever connection we had is not gone but not really right either. And I know that I need to take some time and talk with her but I’m worried about what might come out of such a conversation. Because I’m sure she doesn’t even know anything is amiss. That and I wonder how much of my feelings are about her and how much are of my own making. It’s a weird place right now and I think things will get much worse before they have a chance to get better.

Then there’s Ilse. Over the course of a short period of time several really kind of crappy things have happened—some of which were my fault and some of which were hers whether or not she knows that she did them. The thing is—I know that a lot of my frustration is unfair and I have to just let go of it and allow things to take their natural course but I am really hurt by some of her actions. There’s nothing worse then being placed on the back burner not once, twice, but three times. I realize that at points I deserve what happened but ignoring someone is not an answer—it’s just really unfair.

And then there is Chris. As much as we aren’t that close I feel like I need to step up and say something before he makes a huge mistake. And I know that on some level it’s not my place and can just hope that someone else takes the lead on this. But I just don’t want to actively be a part of something I know is wrong. It’s not in my nature to just sit idly by but it’s probably the only choice I have.

I just wonder what is the line being a friend and being a problem. But I need to do something.