Moving On Seems Unfair

This weekend was a weird combination of things—nothing about it seems well planned or easy or even about me. I just skimmed through things with little involvement beyond the moment. I found myself in the middle of things just wondering about Edie and how she is and what can I do to help her. It was hard to focus on the day to day.

I mean I had fun--at points--with people in bars and shops and food courts for all sorts of reasons that were happy and needy and interesting. I raised glasses with Davis over Barb, laughed at Lola’s silliness with Erykah while listening to truly bad karaoke with the Persian Pussy Posse in a strip mall and spent my Friday with all the right people in the right moods with the right drinks at the right bar.

And yet there were so many moments where I was caught up in the unfairness of things and how they just end. That everything is more fragile than we think and somehow even we see how quickly things can change; we don’t. That we spend so much time navel gazing and over thinking or being upset and petty over the nothings of life. It seems so worthless.

But what surprised me was how easily things just roll on and don’t stop when someone dies. And all I can do is catch myself thinking of Barb and her family and wondering why things can’t just stop for a moment. And I’m not even Edie.

Like I have said, I can’t begin to understand at all.