Thursday, April 29, 2004
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
What's on your mind?
The Pool Boy
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSDm)
Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.
A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.
My god... CROTCHES!!
The Pool Boy
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSDm)
Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.
A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.
My god... CROTCHES!!
How depressing
The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)
Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.
We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.
Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
On paper, most gay guys would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with boys. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.
More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.
The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)
Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.
We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.
Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand
Deliberate Brutal Sex Master
On paper, most gay guys would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with boys. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.
More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Aside from the land of Rory...
1) This heat is killingme... My brain has shut off...
2) Had a great PADWAD meeting... Ruby and Kirby really kicked my butt.
3) I should have job as of tomorrow--go me...
4) Yoga should not be attempted when this hot...
5) Lots of odd dreams about death and murder and I wonder why.... I don't dream that often...
1) This heat is killingme... My brain has shut off...
2) Had a great PADWAD meeting... Ruby and Kirby really kicked my butt.
3) I should have job as of tomorrow--go me...
4) Yoga should not be attempted when this hot...
5) Lots of odd dreams about death and murder and I wonder why.... I don't dream that often...
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Three Things
Okay...you know you have had too much to drink when...
1) You call your best friend at 4:00 in the morning and leave a sexually raw message...
2) You don't remember buying cigarettes and went to bed without smoking any...
3) You realize that in your drunken stupor that you torn apart the house looking for batteries for your brand new clock... And changed and set it...
Okay...you know you have had too much to drink when...
1) You call your best friend at 4:00 in the morning and leave a sexually raw message...
2) You don't remember buying cigarettes and went to bed without smoking any...
3) You realize that in your drunken stupor that you torn apart the house looking for batteries for your brand new clock... And changed and set it...
Three things
Okay...you know you have had too much to drink when... 1) You call your best friend at 4:00 in the morning and leave a sexually raw message... 2) You don't remember buying cigarettes and went to bed without smoking any... 3) You realize that in your drunken stupor that you torn apart the house looking for batteries for your brand new clock... And changed and set it...
Okay...you know you have had too much to drink when... 1) You call your best friend at 4:00 in the morning and leave a sexually raw message... 2) You don't remember buying cigarettes and went to bed without smoking any... 3) You realize that in your drunken stupor that you torn apart the house looking for batteries for your brand new clock... And changed and set it...
Friday, April 23, 2004
100 Random Things About Me
1) I have never really been in love. Sometimes I think I was but at the end of the day I know that I was seeing what I wanted.
2) My biggest fear is that one day all of my friends will be married with kids and I will still be living alone and a hugely secondary part of their lives.
3) I want children more than anything in the world and would be willing to do it alone if I could afford it.
4) I have made my peace with being single and know it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
5) I secretly love Jlo’s music.
6) I dance alone in my apartment a lot.
7) I love my friends too much and fear that’s why I don’t go after things I want because it might mean leaving them behind.
8) I like living in LA.
9) I think of my baby brother who died as a toddler and wonder how different things would be for my family if he hadn’t passed away.
10) I sometimes wish I lived in Boston so I could be near my new baby sister.
11) I fear that my sister will never really know me outside of pictures and stories. 12) I wish that I had a good relationship with my dad and brother.
13) I wonder if I don’t believe in love because how my parents raised me.
14) I am secretly a romantic.
15) I get tired of finding flaws with my body.
16) I am fat yet more in shape then a lot of people I know.
17) If I had a car I still wouldn’t really want to drive.
18) I always cry at the end of “Beautiful thing”.
19) All of my friends have skills I wish I had.
20) I sometimes wonder if I am to old for my “look” and need a make over.
21) I am amazed at how many of my friends know what is wrong with my life and yet don’t let me in on the information.
22) I want to be an advice columnist yet have no idea how to do it.
23) I was accepted at Emerson College as a TV production major.
24) I changed my major five days into college.
25) I think my apartment reflects my inner life… pretty, well-done and, like my apartment, few people see it.
26) I wish I looked more at my successes than my failures.
27) I am spoiled to a degree.
28) My three wishes would be to have 15% body with perfect teeth, a million dollars and that all who loved me were happy.
29) I have smoked for ten years.
30) I have not had an asthma attack since I started smoking.
31) I wish I went dancing more.
32) I wish all my friends loved each other.
33) I get jealous of certain people in my life on a semi-regular basis.
34) I wish I wasn’t as able to read people, situations and relationships as I am. 35) I wish I could make mends and forgive certain people.
36) I let people take advantage of me emotionally yet if they fuck with my money I will cut them out completely.
37) I have gone to bed hungry.
38) I like the messing with Matt Smith’s head.
39) I believe I have nice eyes.
40) If I could be any fictional character I would be Michael Tolliver from Tales of the City.
41) I don’t wear underwear that often.
42) I should get an AIDS test—just to be sure.
43) I miss living with most of my former roommates.
44) My favorite thing to do is stoop on my steps with random friends at 1 in the morning.
45) I love that I have red sneakers.
46) I wish that I had a belly ring but feel to fat to do it.
47) I sometimes miss working for Pier One.
48) I like doing home décor. I don’t know why.
49) I have had nude photos taken off me.
50) I have learned that a threesome is not a good idea.
51) That I should never try to love someone who doesn’t want it.
52) That if a guy takes me on a date and then buys tickets to two different movies—one for me, one for him-- I shouldn’t be dating him.
53) I have kept every piece of fan mail I have gotten for my writing.
54) I wonder if I have talent.
55) If I do, then why don’t I use it more?
56) I have had secret sex.
57) I wish I sang more karaoke.
58) I hate to wear ties.
59) I like helping my friends dress up for big events.
60) I briefly considered sex with the 711 guy—long story.
61) I have two half finished novels.
62) I wrote a show bible for a soap opera when I was in high school and this project was what got me accepted to NYU.
63) I have met Ashley from Otown.
64) I wonder what a tongue ring feels like kissing.
65) I have planned out my wedding in my head—even though I don’t believe in them. 66) The first dance would be to “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge.
67) I have had low-rise pants crack.
68) I have lied to many people.
69) I wish it wasn’t that easy to lie.
70) I have mad crushes on random male friends.
71) I have thought of almost of them sexually once.
72) I wonder why I run away from guys who talk to me at bars.
73) I have a street name—Sawyer.
74) My mom is my idol—to a degree.
75) I feel guilty at how hard my brother was pushed playing hockey.
76) I wish I hadn’t disappointed my dad by refusing to play.
77) I wonder whatever happened to the first boy I kissed, slept with and loved—Mike Dawson.
78) I sometimes debate tracking him down.
79) I own every book ever written about soap operas.
80) I read them when I am drunk and need to sober up.
81) I like cheese.
82) I have done drag once.
83) I wish I was more poetic with my words.
84) I like to watch MTV.
85) I wish I wasn’t frightened of Ani DiFranco.
86) I have had sex on the Esplanade in Boston.
87) I really wish I was friends with Eric.
88) I would like to write a great teenage novel.
89) Then make it into a cult movie.
90) I am secretly afraid of success.
91) I was afraid that I would become schizophrenic when I hit my twenties—runs in the family.
92) I wish I could go to Cairo.
93) I wish I was brave enough to wear my “I kiss Boys” shirt in public.
94) I miss Dawson’s Creek.
95) I would sleep with Rufus Wainwright—even though he is too skinny.
96) I would star in a porn film if offered the chance.
97) I have had more sex than most people know.
98) I miss my parents sometimes.
99) I wonder often if I am wasting time in LA.
100) I like roller-skating.
1) I have never really been in love. Sometimes I think I was but at the end of the day I know that I was seeing what I wanted.
2) My biggest fear is that one day all of my friends will be married with kids and I will still be living alone and a hugely secondary part of their lives.
3) I want children more than anything in the world and would be willing to do it alone if I could afford it.
4) I have made my peace with being single and know it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
5) I secretly love Jlo’s music.
6) I dance alone in my apartment a lot.
7) I love my friends too much and fear that’s why I don’t go after things I want because it might mean leaving them behind.
8) I like living in LA.
9) I think of my baby brother who died as a toddler and wonder how different things would be for my family if he hadn’t passed away.
10) I sometimes wish I lived in Boston so I could be near my new baby sister.
11) I fear that my sister will never really know me outside of pictures and stories. 12) I wish that I had a good relationship with my dad and brother.
13) I wonder if I don’t believe in love because how my parents raised me.
14) I am secretly a romantic.
15) I get tired of finding flaws with my body.
16) I am fat yet more in shape then a lot of people I know.
17) If I had a car I still wouldn’t really want to drive.
18) I always cry at the end of “Beautiful thing”.
19) All of my friends have skills I wish I had.
20) I sometimes wonder if I am to old for my “look” and need a make over.
21) I am amazed at how many of my friends know what is wrong with my life and yet don’t let me in on the information.
22) I want to be an advice columnist yet have no idea how to do it.
23) I was accepted at Emerson College as a TV production major.
24) I changed my major five days into college.
25) I think my apartment reflects my inner life… pretty, well-done and, like my apartment, few people see it.
26) I wish I looked more at my successes than my failures.
27) I am spoiled to a degree.
28) My three wishes would be to have 15% body with perfect teeth, a million dollars and that all who loved me were happy.
29) I have smoked for ten years.
30) I have not had an asthma attack since I started smoking.
31) I wish I went dancing more.
32) I wish all my friends loved each other.
33) I get jealous of certain people in my life on a semi-regular basis.
34) I wish I wasn’t as able to read people, situations and relationships as I am. 35) I wish I could make mends and forgive certain people.
36) I let people take advantage of me emotionally yet if they fuck with my money I will cut them out completely.
37) I have gone to bed hungry.
38) I like the messing with Matt Smith’s head.
39) I believe I have nice eyes.
40) If I could be any fictional character I would be Michael Tolliver from Tales of the City.
41) I don’t wear underwear that often.
42) I should get an AIDS test—just to be sure.
43) I miss living with most of my former roommates.
44) My favorite thing to do is stoop on my steps with random friends at 1 in the morning.
45) I love that I have red sneakers.
46) I wish that I had a belly ring but feel to fat to do it.
47) I sometimes miss working for Pier One.
48) I like doing home décor. I don’t know why.
49) I have had nude photos taken off me.
50) I have learned that a threesome is not a good idea.
51) That I should never try to love someone who doesn’t want it.
52) That if a guy takes me on a date and then buys tickets to two different movies—one for me, one for him-- I shouldn’t be dating him.
53) I have kept every piece of fan mail I have gotten for my writing.
54) I wonder if I have talent.
55) If I do, then why don’t I use it more?
56) I have had secret sex.
57) I wish I sang more karaoke.
58) I hate to wear ties.
59) I like helping my friends dress up for big events.
60) I briefly considered sex with the 711 guy—long story.
61) I have two half finished novels.
62) I wrote a show bible for a soap opera when I was in high school and this project was what got me accepted to NYU.
63) I have met Ashley from Otown.
64) I wonder what a tongue ring feels like kissing.
65) I have planned out my wedding in my head—even though I don’t believe in them. 66) The first dance would be to “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge.
67) I have had low-rise pants crack.
68) I have lied to many people.
69) I wish it wasn’t that easy to lie.
70) I have mad crushes on random male friends.
71) I have thought of almost of them sexually once.
72) I wonder why I run away from guys who talk to me at bars.
73) I have a street name—Sawyer.
74) My mom is my idol—to a degree.
75) I feel guilty at how hard my brother was pushed playing hockey.
76) I wish I hadn’t disappointed my dad by refusing to play.
77) I wonder whatever happened to the first boy I kissed, slept with and loved—Mike Dawson.
78) I sometimes debate tracking him down.
79) I own every book ever written about soap operas.
80) I read them when I am drunk and need to sober up.
81) I like cheese.
82) I have done drag once.
83) I wish I was more poetic with my words.
84) I like to watch MTV.
85) I wish I wasn’t frightened of Ani DiFranco.
86) I have had sex on the Esplanade in Boston.
87) I really wish I was friends with Eric.
88) I would like to write a great teenage novel.
89) Then make it into a cult movie.
90) I am secretly afraid of success.
91) I was afraid that I would become schizophrenic when I hit my twenties—runs in the family.
92) I wish I could go to Cairo.
93) I wish I was brave enough to wear my “I kiss Boys” shirt in public.
94) I miss Dawson’s Creek.
95) I would sleep with Rufus Wainwright—even though he is too skinny.
96) I would star in a porn film if offered the chance.
97) I have had more sex than most people know.
98) I miss my parents sometimes.
99) I wonder often if I am wasting time in LA.
100) I like roller-skating.
100 Random Things About Me
1) I have never really been in love. Sometimes I think I was but at the end of the day I know that I was seeing what I wanted.
2) My biggest fear is that one day all of my friends will be married with kids and I will still be living alone and a hugely secondary part of their lives.
3) I want children more than anything in the world and would be willing to do it alone if I could afford it.
4) I have made my peace with being single and know it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
5) I secretly love Jlo’s music.
6) I dance alone in my apartment a lot.
7) I love my friends too much and fear that’s why I don’t go after things I want because it might mean leaving them behind.
8) I like living in LA.
9) I think of my baby brother who died as a toddler and wonder how different things would be for my family if he hadn’t passed away.
10) I sometimes wish I lived in Boston so I could be near my new baby sister.
11) I fear that my sister will never really know me outside of pictures and stories.
12) I wish that I had a good relationship with my dad and brother.
13) I wonder if I don’t believe in love because how my parents raised me.
14) I am secretly a romantic.
15) I get tired of finding flaws with my body.
16) I am fat yet more in shape then a lot of people I know.
17) If I had a car I still wouldn’t really want to drive.
18) I always cry at the end of “Beautiful thing”.
19) All of my friends have skills I wish I had.
20) I sometimes wonder if I am to old for my “look” and need a make over.
21) I am amazed at how many of my friends know what is wrong with my life and yet don’t let me in on the information.
22) I want to be an advice columnist yet have no idea how to do it.
23) I was accepted at Emerson College as a TV production major.
24) I changed my major five days into college.
25) I think my apartment reflects my inner life… pretty, well-done and, like my apartment, few people see it.
26) I wish I looked more at my successes than my failures.
27) I am spoiled to a degree.
28) My three wishes would be to have 15% body with perfect teeth, a million dollars and that all who loved me were happy.
29) I have smoked for ten years.
30) I have not had an asthma attack since I started smoking.
31) I wish I went dancing more.
32) I wish all my friends loved each other.
33) I get jealous of certain people in my life on a semi-regular basis.
34) I wish I wasn’t as able to read people, situations and relationships as I am.
35) I wish I could make mends and forgive certain people.
36) I let people take advantage of me emotionally yet if they fuck with my money I will cut them out completely.
37) I have gone to bed hungry.
38) I like the messing with Matt Smith’s head.
39) I believe I have nice eyes.
40) If I could be any fictional character I would be Michael Tolliver from Tales of the City.
41) I don’t wear underwear that often.
42) I should get an AIDS test—just to be sure.
43) I miss living with most of my former roommates.
44) My favorite thing to do is stoop on my steps with random friends at 1 in the morning.
45) I love that I have red sneakers.
46) I wish that I had a belly ring but feel to fat to do it.
47) I sometimes miss working for Pier One.
48) I like doing home décor. I don’t know why.
49) I have had nude photos taken off me.
50) I have learned that a threesome is not a good idea.
51) That I should never try to love someone who doesn’t want it.
52) That if a guy takes me on a date and then buys tickets to two different movies—one for me, one for him-- I shouldn’t be dating him.
53) I have kept every piece of fan mail I have gotten for my writing.
54) I wonder if I have talent.
55) If I do, then why don’t I use it more?
56) I have had secret sex.
57) I wish I sang more karaoke.
58) I hate to wear ties.
59) I like helping my friends dress up for big events.
60) I briefly considered sex with the 711 guy—long story.
61) I have two half finished novels.
62) I wrote a show bible for a soap opera when I was in high school and this project was what got me accepted to NYU.
63) I have met Ashley from Otown.
64) I wonder what a tongue ring feels like kissing.
65) I have planned out my wedding in my head—even though I don’t believe in them.
66) The first dance would be to “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge.
67) I have had low-rise pants crack.
68) I have lied to many people.
69) I wish it wasn’t that easy to lie.
70) I have mad crushes on random male friends.
71) I have thought of almost of them sexually once.
72) I wonder why I run away from guys who talk to me at bars.
73) I have a street name—Sawyer.
74) My mom is my idol—to a degree.
75) I feel guilty at how hard my brother was pushed playing hockey.
76) I wish I hadn’t disappointed my dad by refusing to play.
77) I wonder whatever happened to the first boy I kissed, slept with and loved—Mike Dawson.
78) I sometimes debate tracking him down.
79) I own every book ever written about soap operas.
80) I read them when I am drunk and need to sober up.
81) I like cheese.
82) I have done drag once.
83) I wish I was more poetic with my words.
84) I like to watch MTV.
85) I wish I wasn’t frightened of Ani DiFranco.
86) I have had sex on the Esplanade in Boston.
87) I really wish I was friends with Eric.
88) I would like to write a great teenage novel.
89) Then make it into a cult movie.
90) I am secretly afraid of success.
91) I was afraid that I would become schizophrenic when I hit my twenties—runs in the family.
92) I wish I could go to Cairo.
93) I wish I was brave enough to wear my “I kiss Boys” shirt in public.
94) I miss Dawson’s Creek.
95) I would sleep with Rufus Wainwright—even though he is too skinny.
96) I would star in a porn film if offered the chance.
97) I have had more sex than most people know.
98) I miss my parents sometimes.
99) I wonder often if I am wasting time in LA.
100) I like roller-skating.
1) I have never really been in love. Sometimes I think I was but at the end of the day I know that I was seeing what I wanted.
2) My biggest fear is that one day all of my friends will be married with kids and I will still be living alone and a hugely secondary part of their lives.
3) I want children more than anything in the world and would be willing to do it alone if I could afford it.
4) I have made my peace with being single and know it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
5) I secretly love Jlo’s music.
6) I dance alone in my apartment a lot.
7) I love my friends too much and fear that’s why I don’t go after things I want because it might mean leaving them behind.
8) I like living in LA.
9) I think of my baby brother who died as a toddler and wonder how different things would be for my family if he hadn’t passed away.
10) I sometimes wish I lived in Boston so I could be near my new baby sister.
11) I fear that my sister will never really know me outside of pictures and stories.
12) I wish that I had a good relationship with my dad and brother.
13) I wonder if I don’t believe in love because how my parents raised me.
14) I am secretly a romantic.
15) I get tired of finding flaws with my body.
16) I am fat yet more in shape then a lot of people I know.
17) If I had a car I still wouldn’t really want to drive.
18) I always cry at the end of “Beautiful thing”.
19) All of my friends have skills I wish I had.
20) I sometimes wonder if I am to old for my “look” and need a make over.
21) I am amazed at how many of my friends know what is wrong with my life and yet don’t let me in on the information.
22) I want to be an advice columnist yet have no idea how to do it.
23) I was accepted at Emerson College as a TV production major.
24) I changed my major five days into college.
25) I think my apartment reflects my inner life… pretty, well-done and, like my apartment, few people see it.
26) I wish I looked more at my successes than my failures.
27) I am spoiled to a degree.
28) My three wishes would be to have 15% body with perfect teeth, a million dollars and that all who loved me were happy.
29) I have smoked for ten years.
30) I have not had an asthma attack since I started smoking.
31) I wish I went dancing more.
32) I wish all my friends loved each other.
33) I get jealous of certain people in my life on a semi-regular basis.
34) I wish I wasn’t as able to read people, situations and relationships as I am.
35) I wish I could make mends and forgive certain people.
36) I let people take advantage of me emotionally yet if they fuck with my money I will cut them out completely.
37) I have gone to bed hungry.
38) I like the messing with Matt Smith’s head.
39) I believe I have nice eyes.
40) If I could be any fictional character I would be Michael Tolliver from Tales of the City.
41) I don’t wear underwear that often.
42) I should get an AIDS test—just to be sure.
43) I miss living with most of my former roommates.
44) My favorite thing to do is stoop on my steps with random friends at 1 in the morning.
45) I love that I have red sneakers.
46) I wish that I had a belly ring but feel to fat to do it.
47) I sometimes miss working for Pier One.
48) I like doing home décor. I don’t know why.
49) I have had nude photos taken off me.
50) I have learned that a threesome is not a good idea.
51) That I should never try to love someone who doesn’t want it.
52) That if a guy takes me on a date and then buys tickets to two different movies—one for me, one for him-- I shouldn’t be dating him.
53) I have kept every piece of fan mail I have gotten for my writing.
54) I wonder if I have talent.
55) If I do, then why don’t I use it more?
56) I have had secret sex.
57) I wish I sang more karaoke.
58) I hate to wear ties.
59) I like helping my friends dress up for big events.
60) I briefly considered sex with the 711 guy—long story.
61) I have two half finished novels.
62) I wrote a show bible for a soap opera when I was in high school and this project was what got me accepted to NYU.
63) I have met Ashley from Otown.
64) I wonder what a tongue ring feels like kissing.
65) I have planned out my wedding in my head—even though I don’t believe in them.
66) The first dance would be to “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge.
67) I have had low-rise pants crack.
68) I have lied to many people.
69) I wish it wasn’t that easy to lie.
70) I have mad crushes on random male friends.
71) I have thought of almost of them sexually once.
72) I wonder why I run away from guys who talk to me at bars.
73) I have a street name—Sawyer.
74) My mom is my idol—to a degree.
75) I feel guilty at how hard my brother was pushed playing hockey.
76) I wish I hadn’t disappointed my dad by refusing to play.
77) I wonder whatever happened to the first boy I kissed, slept with and loved—Mike Dawson.
78) I sometimes debate tracking him down.
79) I own every book ever written about soap operas.
80) I read them when I am drunk and need to sober up.
81) I like cheese.
82) I have done drag once.
83) I wish I was more poetic with my words.
84) I like to watch MTV.
85) I wish I wasn’t frightened of Ani DiFranco.
86) I have had sex on the Esplanade in Boston.
87) I really wish I was friends with Eric.
88) I would like to write a great teenage novel.
89) Then make it into a cult movie.
90) I am secretly afraid of success.
91) I was afraid that I would become schizophrenic when I hit my twenties—runs in the family.
92) I wish I could go to Cairo.
93) I wish I was brave enough to wear my “I kiss Boys” shirt in public.
94) I miss Dawson’s Creek.
95) I would sleep with Rufus Wainwright—even though he is too skinny.
96) I would star in a porn film if offered the chance.
97) I have had more sex than most people know.
98) I miss my parents sometimes.
99) I wonder often if I am wasting time in LA.
100) I like roller-skating.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Ten Big Ones…
1) Keep working out… The yoga is helping and working in some roller blading would be nice too… But the real question is whether I can keep it when…
2) Figure out a career goal. While freelance is fun…I need something more permanent. I have some ideas but I need to figure out how to get there.
3) Look into school program to get into and how to pay for it…
4) Meet more gay men—through various events, groups and going out to clubs more often.
5) Start going out on more dates whether via the internet or random friends…
6) Find a website to write an advice column for… It is what I want to do.
7) Try and surround myself with creative people that get things done.
8) Learn to say no… There are things I don’t have to do and need to figure out what they are….
9) Car…enough said.
10) Work towards an agent.
1) Keep working out… The yoga is helping and working in some roller blading would be nice too… But the real question is whether I can keep it when…
2) Figure out a career goal. While freelance is fun…I need something more permanent. I have some ideas but I need to figure out how to get there.
3) Look into school program to get into and how to pay for it…
4) Meet more gay men—through various events, groups and going out to clubs more often.
5) Start going out on more dates whether via the internet or random friends…
6) Find a website to write an advice column for… It is what I want to do.
7) Try and surround myself with creative people that get things done.
8) Learn to say no… There are things I don’t have to do and need to figure out what they are….
9) Car…enough said.
10) Work towards an agent.
Ten Big Ones…
1) Keep working out… The yoga is helping and working in some roller blading would be nice too… But the real question is whether I can keep it when…
2) Figure out a career goal. While freelance is fun…I need something more permanent. I have some ideas but I need to figure out how to get there.
3) Look into school program to get into and how to pay for it…
4) Meet more gay men—through various events, groups and going out to clubs more often.
5) Start going out on more dates whether via the internet or random friends…
6) Find a website to write an advice column for… It is what I want to do.
7) Try and surround myself with creative people that get things done.
8) Learn to say no… There are things I don’t have to do and need to figure out what they are….
9) Car…enough said.
10) Work towards an agent.
1) Keep working out… The yoga is helping and working in some roller blading would be nice too… But the real question is whether I can keep it when…
2) Figure out a career goal. While freelance is fun…I need something more permanent. I have some ideas but I need to figure out how to get there.
3) Look into school program to get into and how to pay for it…
4) Meet more gay men—through various events, groups and going out to clubs more often.
5) Start going out on more dates whether via the internet or random friends…
6) Find a website to write an advice column for… It is what I want to do.
7) Try and surround myself with creative people that get things done.
8) Learn to say no… There are things I don’t have to do and need to figure out what they are….
9) Car…enough said.
10) Work towards an agent.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
I’m Using This… (And it is going to get me shot…)
Okay, so to expand on yesterday’s emotion… I have been rather unsatisfied with the way my writing group has been going as of late. It is not one thing but a combination of things that has just made me rather uninspired by it and by myself as well… The group was started for the best of reasons and in the best of ways—artists having coffee at 1 in the morning, talking about passion and creativity and humor and art. (Maybe that is over selling but, you know, poetic license.) I came out of that night excited to work, to have people who wanted to create and a way to share and work shop stuff… Writing is a lonely place sometimes and it is quite easy to get side tracked and lost within yourself with no one to be accountable towards… Thus PADWAD burst into my life as a ray of sunshine… And now, as of late, that sunshine as been replace by some type of overcast ennui. It is a combination of events; bad schedules, doubting members, an inability to speak up and this feeling of just… What is the point? I believe in the group—I believe that there is so much that talented people can do together, that us three have a unique routine, a way that we combined that brings out the best traits in each of us…. But now it is about people not saying what they need to, people not wanting to contribute because they feel as if they are imposing, people just afraid on many different levels. And thing is, as the one who seems to be the most confined in—I do understand where everything is coming from but I can’t be the cesspool of doubt and confusion and whatever else is currently up for debate… All I want is a place to be creative, to share and expand our crafts and a way to continue to work with some of the most talented people I know… But I can’t fix this myself and I don’t know if the group will allow for the rest dialogue that needs to happen…. But here’s to hoping so…
Okay, so to expand on yesterday’s emotion… I have been rather unsatisfied with the way my writing group has been going as of late. It is not one thing but a combination of things that has just made me rather uninspired by it and by myself as well… The group was started for the best of reasons and in the best of ways—artists having coffee at 1 in the morning, talking about passion and creativity and humor and art. (Maybe that is over selling but, you know, poetic license.) I came out of that night excited to work, to have people who wanted to create and a way to share and work shop stuff… Writing is a lonely place sometimes and it is quite easy to get side tracked and lost within yourself with no one to be accountable towards… Thus PADWAD burst into my life as a ray of sunshine… And now, as of late, that sunshine as been replace by some type of overcast ennui. It is a combination of events; bad schedules, doubting members, an inability to speak up and this feeling of just… What is the point? I believe in the group—I believe that there is so much that talented people can do together, that us three have a unique routine, a way that we combined that brings out the best traits in each of us…. But now it is about people not saying what they need to, people not wanting to contribute because they feel as if they are imposing, people just afraid on many different levels. And thing is, as the one who seems to be the most confined in—I do understand where everything is coming from but I can’t be the cesspool of doubt and confusion and whatever else is currently up for debate… All I want is a place to be creative, to share and expand our crafts and a way to continue to work with some of the most talented people I know… But I can’t fix this myself and I don’t know if the group will allow for the rest dialogue that needs to happen…. But here’s to hoping so…
I’m Using This… (And it is going to get me shot…)
Okay, so to expand on yesterday’s emotion… I have been rather unsatisfied with the way my writing group has been going as of late. It is not one thing but a combination of things that has just made me rather uninspired by it and by myself as well…
The group was started for the best of reasons and in the best of ways—artists having coffee at 1 in the morning, talking about passion and creativity and humor and art. (Maybe that is over selling but, you know, poetic license.) I came out of that night excited to work, to have people who wanted to create and a way to share and work shop stuff… Writing is a lonely place sometimes and it is quite easy to get side tracked and lost within yourself with no one to be accountable towards… Thus PADWAD burst into my life as a ray of sunshine…
And now, as of late, that sunshine as been replace by some type of overcast ennui. It is a combination of events; bad schedules, doubting members, an inability to speak up and this feeling of just… What is the point? I believe in the group—I believe that there is so much that talented people can do together, that us three have a unique routine, a way that we combined that brings out the best traits in each of us….
But now it is about people not saying what they need to, people not wanting to contribute because they feel as if they are imposing, people just afraid on many different levels. And thing is, as the one who seems to be the most confined in—I do understand where everything is coming from but I can’t be the cesspool of doubt and confusion and whatever else is currently up for debate… All I want is a place to be creative, to share and expand our crafts and a way to continue to work with some of the most talented people I know… But I can’t fix this myself and I don’t know if the group will allow for the rest dialogue that needs to happen…. But here’s to hoping so…
Okay, so to expand on yesterday’s emotion… I have been rather unsatisfied with the way my writing group has been going as of late. It is not one thing but a combination of things that has just made me rather uninspired by it and by myself as well…
The group was started for the best of reasons and in the best of ways—artists having coffee at 1 in the morning, talking about passion and creativity and humor and art. (Maybe that is over selling but, you know, poetic license.) I came out of that night excited to work, to have people who wanted to create and a way to share and work shop stuff… Writing is a lonely place sometimes and it is quite easy to get side tracked and lost within yourself with no one to be accountable towards… Thus PADWAD burst into my life as a ray of sunshine…
And now, as of late, that sunshine as been replace by some type of overcast ennui. It is a combination of events; bad schedules, doubting members, an inability to speak up and this feeling of just… What is the point? I believe in the group—I believe that there is so much that talented people can do together, that us three have a unique routine, a way that we combined that brings out the best traits in each of us….
But now it is about people not saying what they need to, people not wanting to contribute because they feel as if they are imposing, people just afraid on many different levels. And thing is, as the one who seems to be the most confined in—I do understand where everything is coming from but I can’t be the cesspool of doubt and confusion and whatever else is currently up for debate… All I want is a place to be creative, to share and expand our crafts and a way to continue to work with some of the most talented people I know… But I can’t fix this myself and I don’t know if the group will allow for the rest dialogue that needs to happen…. But here’s to hoping so…
Monday, April 19, 2004
Sunday, April 18, 2004
YOu Know You Want to Take This...
You are going to Marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.
Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are going to Marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.
Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Another Thing that Makes Sense
Life is a Theater...Invite Your Audience Carefully.
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in
our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved
from a DISTANCE.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or
at least minimize your time with draining, negative,
incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or
friendships.
Observe the relationships around you. Pay close attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage
and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are
going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel
worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,
know or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,
love and truth around you...the easier it will become for
you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who
should be moved to the balcony of your life.
Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on
both our lives and our income.
And so, we must be careful to choose the people we hang out
with, as well as the information with which we feed our
minds.
We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor
feed them with negative thoughts.
Who's in your front row?
Life is a Theater...Invite Your Audience Carefully.
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in
our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved
from a DISTANCE.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or
at least minimize your time with draining, negative,
incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or
friendships.
Observe the relationships around you. Pay close attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage
and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are
going downhill?
When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel
worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand,
know or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,
love and truth around you...the easier it will become for
you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who
should be moved to the balcony of your life.
Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on
both our lives and our income.
And so, we must be careful to choose the people we hang out
with, as well as the information with which we feed our
minds.
We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor
feed them with negative thoughts.
Who's in your front row?
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
A Foghorn Kind of Day
So, I am having just one of those days… Not good or bad but rather annoying in a hard to figure out way. Maybe it’s too much yoga or trying to quit smoking or feeling totally useless but somehow, right now, I am just on edge… In “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” Audrey describes it as having the reds… But I’m having a foghorn day… I came up with this idea awhile back—just to have a little foghorn the size of maybe a lighter or a flashlight… That when a annoyed one could just beep it at the offending party… Over eager sales people, scary single guys, family members who start with the sentence “What are you doing with your life?” Just—BEEP. I’m sorry bgut I don’t need to hear you nor does anyone else you come into contact with today… Thank you but try again later… I don’t want to deafen people, just stun them long enough to either run away or nnoy them as much as they have me… I guess it is a mean idea but just picturing it make me smile…
So, I am having just one of those days… Not good or bad but rather annoying in a hard to figure out way. Maybe it’s too much yoga or trying to quit smoking or feeling totally useless but somehow, right now, I am just on edge… In “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” Audrey describes it as having the reds… But I’m having a foghorn day… I came up with this idea awhile back—just to have a little foghorn the size of maybe a lighter or a flashlight… That when a annoyed one could just beep it at the offending party… Over eager sales people, scary single guys, family members who start with the sentence “What are you doing with your life?” Just—BEEP. I’m sorry bgut I don’t need to hear you nor does anyone else you come into contact with today… Thank you but try again later… I don’t want to deafen people, just stun them long enough to either run away or nnoy them as much as they have me… I guess it is a mean idea but just picturing it make me smile…
A Foghorn Kind of Day
So, I am having just one of those days… Not good or bad but rather annoying in a hard to figure out way. Maybe it’s too much yoga or trying to quit smoking or feeling totally useless but somehow, right now, I am just on edge… In “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” Audrey describes it as having the reds… But I’m having a foghorn day…
I came up with this idea awhile back—just to have a little foghorn the size of maybe a lighter or a flashlight… That when a annoyed one could just beep it at the offending party… Over eager sales people, scary single guys, family members who start with the sentence “What are you doing with your life?” Just—BEEP. I’m sorry bgut I don’t need to hear you nor does anyone else you come into contact with today… Thank you but try again later…
I don’t want to deafen people, just stun them long enough to either run away or nnoy them as much as they have me… I guess it is a mean idea but just picturing it make me smile…
So, I am having just one of those days… Not good or bad but rather annoying in a hard to figure out way. Maybe it’s too much yoga or trying to quit smoking or feeling totally useless but somehow, right now, I am just on edge… In “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” Audrey describes it as having the reds… But I’m having a foghorn day…
I came up with this idea awhile back—just to have a little foghorn the size of maybe a lighter or a flashlight… That when a annoyed one could just beep it at the offending party… Over eager sales people, scary single guys, family members who start with the sentence “What are you doing with your life?” Just—BEEP. I’m sorry bgut I don’t need to hear you nor does anyone else you come into contact with today… Thank you but try again later…
I don’t want to deafen people, just stun them long enough to either run away or nnoy them as much as they have me… I guess it is a mean idea but just picturing it make me smile…
This will offend but whatever
I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!
Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?
Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons
Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?
Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
It Seems to Fit
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson
Not Mine but Fits Me as of Late
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
Monday, April 12, 2004
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Seems to Make Sense Too
Life is a Theater...Invite Your Audience Carefully.
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay close attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so, we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed them with negative thoughts. Who's in your front row?
Life is a Theater...Invite Your Audience Carefully.
Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay close attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so, we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed them with negative thoughts. Who's in your front row?
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
If Only
You won't have to resort to the streets to earn your cash...
But you will spend most of your time at a brothel on the wrong side of town!
How Much Could You Make as a Prostitute?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
You Would Make $500 a Night!
You won't have to resort to the streets to earn your cash...
But you will spend most of your time at a brothel on the wrong side of town!
How Much Could You Make as a Prostitute?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
A Debt To Repay.
So I owe a debt that I don’t know yet if I can repay. It isn’t about money but rather it is an emotional one. Since Todd TV ended I have been trying to find another job to get me through the next couple of months so that I don’t go crazy or get kicked out of my apartment. I have been feeling fat, broke, untalented and very much like a loser. It is amazing how much of this has come from something as simple as finishing a job but there it is. But tonight I had a moment where it all seemed to come together. In a random way but nonetheless, an important one. A while back, ruby and I were talking about something and I guess, fighting, and it came up about how I don’t believe in her the way that she believes in me. And tonight, that idea hit home. The truth is, I don’t believe in much. My talent, my friends, my family or anything even outside of that. And even when the universe gives cause for me to change that viewpoint I still manage to ignore it. And what I have to do is just try a new tact and learn to re believe in myself. I used to, it is what got me out of Pepperell, out to LA and lead me to become something different and new. It just seems that over time that feeling has faded and been replaced by jadedness. I compare myself to others, don’t really see what I have been able to do and instead focus on all the things that don’t work. And that is not getting anywhere I want to go. So as I keep beating myself up, I just fall deeper into my hole as opposed to trying to climb out. But it is because of Ruby that I am to see myself more clearly and am more able to try and get beyond all this negativity. If someone that I respect can believe in my ability and me then maybe I can try too. And that is something that is more valuable than money or acclaim or even simple friendship. That is the idea of unconditional love. And that is something that I can try to believe in.
So I owe a debt that I don’t know yet if I can repay. It isn’t about money but rather it is an emotional one. Since Todd TV ended I have been trying to find another job to get me through the next couple of months so that I don’t go crazy or get kicked out of my apartment. I have been feeling fat, broke, untalented and very much like a loser. It is amazing how much of this has come from something as simple as finishing a job but there it is. But tonight I had a moment where it all seemed to come together. In a random way but nonetheless, an important one. A while back, ruby and I were talking about something and I guess, fighting, and it came up about how I don’t believe in her the way that she believes in me. And tonight, that idea hit home. The truth is, I don’t believe in much. My talent, my friends, my family or anything even outside of that. And even when the universe gives cause for me to change that viewpoint I still manage to ignore it. And what I have to do is just try a new tact and learn to re believe in myself. I used to, it is what got me out of Pepperell, out to LA and lead me to become something different and new. It just seems that over time that feeling has faded and been replaced by jadedness. I compare myself to others, don’t really see what I have been able to do and instead focus on all the things that don’t work. And that is not getting anywhere I want to go. So as I keep beating myself up, I just fall deeper into my hole as opposed to trying to climb out. But it is because of Ruby that I am to see myself more clearly and am more able to try and get beyond all this negativity. If someone that I respect can believe in my ability and me then maybe I can try too. And that is something that is more valuable than money or acclaim or even simple friendship. That is the idea of unconditional love. And that is something that I can try to believe in.
It is Like I said
 |
You Are Most Like Carrie!You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated. Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? Take This Quiz Right Now! Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. |
I Guess This is The Problem?
While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses...
... You don't give men enough of your time.
As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.
Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Busy
While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time
Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses...
... You don't give men enough of your time.
As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.
Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
Most disturbing Stuff
Controversy laden, 100% sexy, and very naughty.
You love controversy, and with Hustler, you'll be shocking even your wildest friends.
You've got the sense of humor it takes to pose for this mag, and the power to deal with Larry Flint.
Into spilling all? Don't mind peeing in a pic? Then you're the perfect Hustler girl.
Still unsure about your Hustler ambitions? Come one! At least enter the "Beaver Hunt"!
What Porn Magazine Would Kill to Have You On the Cover?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
You Should Pose For Hustler!
Controversy laden, 100% sexy, and very naughty.
You love controversy, and with Hustler, you'll be shocking even your wildest friends.
You've got the sense of humor it takes to pose for this mag, and the power to deal with Larry Flint.
Into spilling all? Don't mind peeing in a pic? Then you're the perfect Hustler girl.
Still unsure about your Hustler ambitions? Come one! At least enter the "Beaver Hunt"!
What Porn Magazine Would Kill to Have You On the Cover?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
A Debt to Repay
So I owe a debt that I don’t know yet if I can repay. It isn’t about money but rather it is an emotional one. Since Todd TV ended I have been trying to find another job to get me through the next couple of months so that I don’t go crazy or get kicked out of my apartment. I have been feeling fat, broke, untalented and very much like a loser. It is amazing how much of this has come from something as simple as finishing a job but there it is.
But tonight I had a moment where it all seemed to come together. In a random way but nonetheless, an important one. A while back, ruby and I were talking about something and I guess, fighting, and it came up about how I don’t believe in her the way that she believes in me. And tonight, that idea hit home.
The truth is, I don’t believe in much. My talent, my friends, my family or anything even outside of that. And even when the universe gives cause for me to change that viewpoint I still manage to ignore it. And what I have to do is just try a new tact and learn to re believe in myself. I used to, it is what got me out of Pepperell, out to LA and lead me to become something different and new.
It just seems that over time that feeling has faded and been replaced by jadedness. I compare myself to others, don’t really see what I have been able to do and instead focus on all the things that don’t work. And that is not getting anywhere I want to go. So as I keep beating myself up, I just fall deeper into my hole as opposed to trying to climb out.
But it is because of Ruby that I am to see myself more clearly and am more able to try and get beyond all this negativity. If someone that I respect can believe in my ability and me then maybe I can try too. And that is something that is more valuable than money or acclaim or even simple friendship. That is the idea of unconditional love. And that is something that I can try to believe in.
So I owe a debt that I don’t know yet if I can repay. It isn’t about money but rather it is an emotional one. Since Todd TV ended I have been trying to find another job to get me through the next couple of months so that I don’t go crazy or get kicked out of my apartment. I have been feeling fat, broke, untalented and very much like a loser. It is amazing how much of this has come from something as simple as finishing a job but there it is.
But tonight I had a moment where it all seemed to come together. In a random way but nonetheless, an important one. A while back, ruby and I were talking about something and I guess, fighting, and it came up about how I don’t believe in her the way that she believes in me. And tonight, that idea hit home.
The truth is, I don’t believe in much. My talent, my friends, my family or anything even outside of that. And even when the universe gives cause for me to change that viewpoint I still manage to ignore it. And what I have to do is just try a new tact and learn to re believe in myself. I used to, it is what got me out of Pepperell, out to LA and lead me to become something different and new.
It just seems that over time that feeling has faded and been replaced by jadedness. I compare myself to others, don’t really see what I have been able to do and instead focus on all the things that don’t work. And that is not getting anywhere I want to go. So as I keep beating myself up, I just fall deeper into my hole as opposed to trying to climb out.
But it is because of Ruby that I am to see myself more clearly and am more able to try and get beyond all this negativity. If someone that I respect can believe in my ability and me then maybe I can try too. And that is something that is more valuable than money or acclaim or even simple friendship. That is the idea of unconditional love. And that is something that I can try to believe in.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Ten Years Ago Today
It's funny... I still remember the first time I saw "Smells like Teenspirit" video and realizing how important it was... Changed music for me, caused me to not only find Nirvana but Tori and Alice and Pearl Jam and Tool and Soundgarden and even Hole... This is a big thing friends... So let us take a minute to remember Kurt Corbain on 10th aniversiery of his death... Thanks Kurt...
It's funny... I still remember the first time I saw "Smells like Teenspirit" video and realizing how important it was... Changed music for me, caused me to not only find Nirvana but Tori and Alice and Pearl Jam and Tool and Soundgarden and even Hole... This is a big thing friends... So let us take a minute to remember Kurt Corbain on 10th aniversiery of his death... Thanks Kurt...
Ten Years Ago Today
It's funny... I still remember the first time I saw "Smells like Teenspirit" video and realizing how important it was... Changed music for me, caused me to not only find Nirvana but Tori and Alice and Pearl Jam and Tool and Soundgarden and even Hole... This is a big thing friends... So let us take a minute to remember Kurt Corbain on 10th aniversiery of his death... Thanks Kurt...
It's funny... I still remember the first time I saw "Smells like Teenspirit" video and realizing how important it was... Changed music for me, caused me to not only find Nirvana but Tori and Alice and Pearl Jam and Tool and Soundgarden and even Hole... This is a big thing friends... So let us take a minute to remember Kurt Corbain on 10th aniversiery of his death... Thanks Kurt...
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Rory randomness.
So I have been of the radar as of late… I guess I have been a little depressed and out of sorts. Just the add up of random events, the usual malaise and some soul searching. I keep getting to this point where I know I should change something but I don’t know what and that makes it hard. I wonder if I have spent my time doing the right things, trying hard enough and making the good choices. I don’t mean job wise or writing wise but I mean in a more open ended way. I just feel as if I don’t have much of importance in my life and wonder if I have spent all my energy and ability on the wrong things. My friends, my family, my living situation—just doing all the things I should as opposed to the things I really want or need. I guess we all go through this in various ways but I am trying of question things. I know that the bulk of this soul searching is coming out because of the superficial but that doesn’t make it any less real or important. I just wish I knew what to do. Don’t we all though….
So I have been of the radar as of late… I guess I have been a little depressed and out of sorts. Just the add up of random events, the usual malaise and some soul searching. I keep getting to this point where I know I should change something but I don’t know what and that makes it hard. I wonder if I have spent my time doing the right things, trying hard enough and making the good choices. I don’t mean job wise or writing wise but I mean in a more open ended way. I just feel as if I don’t have much of importance in my life and wonder if I have spent all my energy and ability on the wrong things. My friends, my family, my living situation—just doing all the things I should as opposed to the things I really want or need. I guess we all go through this in various ways but I am trying of question things. I know that the bulk of this soul searching is coming out because of the superficial but that doesn’t make it any less real or important. I just wish I knew what to do. Don’t we all though….
Rory randomness.
So I have been of the radar as of late… I guess I have been a little depressed and out of sorts. Just the add up of random events, the usual malaise and some soul searching. I keep getting to this point where I know I should change something but I don’t know what and that makes it hard.
I wonder if I have spent my time doing the right things, trying hard enough and making the good choices. I don’t mean job wise or writing wise but I mean in a more open ended way. I just feel as if I don’t have much of importance in my life and wonder if I have spent all my energy and ability on the wrong things. My friends, my family, my living situation—just doing all the things I should as opposed to the things I really want or need. I guess we all go through this in various ways but I am trying of question things. I know that the bulk of this soul searching is coming out because of the superficial but that doesn’t make it any less real or important.
I just wish I knew what to do. Don’t we all though….
So I have been of the radar as of late… I guess I have been a little depressed and out of sorts. Just the add up of random events, the usual malaise and some soul searching. I keep getting to this point where I know I should change something but I don’t know what and that makes it hard.
I wonder if I have spent my time doing the right things, trying hard enough and making the good choices. I don’t mean job wise or writing wise but I mean in a more open ended way. I just feel as if I don’t have much of importance in my life and wonder if I have spent all my energy and ability on the wrong things. My friends, my family, my living situation—just doing all the things I should as opposed to the things I really want or need. I guess we all go through this in various ways but I am trying of question things. I know that the bulk of this soul searching is coming out because of the superficial but that doesn’t make it any less real or important.
I just wish I knew what to do. Don’t we all though….
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