So right now it feels like my life is falling apart. At first I was chalking it up to work stress--a long job with terrible conditions and unrealistic expectations. Then I thought it was because of being sick--unable to work out and unable to feel safe can weigh on you after awhile. And once both those things were under control I thought life would go back to normal.
Instead my stress and anxiety continues to be a problem. I struggle with not being mad a lot; am constantly disappointed in people that I trust and believe in. I feel like I am asking for simple things--do what you say you are doing, be respectful of my time and boundaries and when they are not... I get very frustrated.
But now I am getting blamed for being frustrated. Somehow I am not in the right for being upset if we get lost on a trip I was told was planned out. I am out of bounds for being annoyed that people want to wait and finalize places an hour before. That I am asking too much or not being fair and I am hearing is "I am irresponsible and how dare you hold me accountable for it Rory." "I want to wait and make sure there is no better plan or people to hang out with so you will have to wait until the last moment when I am sure you are my best option Rory"
It is making me start to be extremely resentful of the majority of people in my life. And I know if I treated them the same way, I would NEVER hear the end of it. I would be treated poorly as a result but how dare I do the same.
I do not know what the point of these relationships is any more.
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