Four More Years

Tonight is our fourth anniversary. We usually do something big--we've done Mexico and Ashland and Palm Springs but this year we stayed close to home, easy restaurants and time on the couch with TNN shows...

It can't always be glamorous.

The truth was that this past year was the hardest this far in our marriage. I spent part of the past year sick. Johnno took a position at a startup that seemed more like a stopping point than a job. I worked the hardest position I ever have while making the lowest pay in almost 6 years. We both struggle and sacrificed and it didn't always make us supportive or kind.

A lot of it sucked.

They always say the first year of marriage is the hardest. I always figured it was about changing roles, changing expectations of family and friends, the abandoning of some single behavior and the creation of what the married life would look like. And we were lucky--most of the things that happened that first year (leaving the Dollhouse, moving away from Edie for the first time in 10+ years, husbear losing his job)--were things that were beyond our control. They were a struggle and forced us to face problems head on as a couple.

This was a good thing.

This past year just shook us both in unexpected ways. Losing the show made me insecure about my career and talents, we both struggled with illness and solutions to them, our friendships have shifted and have added distance both physical and emotional. This was the first year where it truly felt like work and it was hard and ugly.

But it also felt necessary. It is easy to make things work when the cash is coming, when the parties are nonstop and everyone is always getting what they want. This year really was about "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health"--it was a wakeup call about the work this can be and also a reminder of what we are fighting for.

I'm not going to say I'm not a little bummed about how tonight turned--burgers and 'Major Case' reruns while we ate snacks from 7/11. But I also felt like we deserved it each more, felt each other more and loved each other more... Supposedly the fourth year present is an appliance or electronics--I feel like our gift this was to do a tune-up or two to get everything up and running.