Tick Tick Boom

So my mother trapped me last night in a phone call... We've been talking more lately due to family issues and my own resolution to make more of an effort. But even still there are times when I wish I could shake her like I do my phone...

Cause she had to ask about babies.

Now I should have expected this as a natural off shoot of any wedding conversation. It's something she's always hinted about wanting to know & for the most part I haven't had an answer because I've just been pushing it out of my head.

But with Kelly and Johnny trying for a baby and all the social shifting because of that has been a recent topic with lots of people and for some reason it became one with us.

Now the thing is I would have no problem being a parent--I adore kids, nannied them, taught them and enjoy their presence. But for me and Johnno it would be an expensive legal process which would probably make me have to give up my freelance career or have Johnno be the primary parent.

I couldn't do that to any of them.

This used to make me feel selfish--that money & my career would be a reason to forego kids... It feels like I'm making it all about me when the truth is the opposite.

I think it would be more selfish to have kids when I can't give everything they would need. This isn't even taking into account how hard it would be for us to get to have a child to raise.

Maybe it would be different if we could just get pregnant by accident but that is not going to happen. Which my mother gets but I think she was expecting some kind of baby clock to go off with me.

It won't happen without a huge income different that only the lotto could provide. And even then I'm not sure. My only worry is who would be the Dorothy to my Sophia but I suspect I will have more than enough Rose & Blanches to get through it.

So no boom goes the dynamite