18 Becomes 200

So I weighed myself for the first time in months--I knew something was up when I felt like nothing fit properly, nothing was comfortable and was off. So when the numbers came back the verdict was in--18 pounds gained over 5 1/2 months.

Wince

I spent the first day lying to myself about how it could have happened--it didnt make sense, I work so hard and I was doing everything right... Except that I knew better--that while struggling to quit smoking I was eating more, that I was having fries and pasta and other things without a care and my workout schedule fell apart due to back problems and then a constant lack of energy and focus.

It didnt help that I have been rolling around a book idea in my head connected to my eating issues and past struggles with bulimia which made everything more sensitive. I couldnt focus too much or I would go crazy but then if I didnt at all then I end up with the 18 pounds I already had.

Refocus

So instead I went and bought new running shoes to replace the ones that were hurting my feet, I bought myself a heart rate monitor to try and make sure I work out better and even a little foot pedal bike like thing to use when my back acts up. I feel much better and back on track for now... I am still balancing my need for smokes and couscous but I can do this better than before. It helps that Johnno is on a cooking kick and I'm on a veggie kick so--we shall see how it plays out

It's expensive to refocus but not as much as buying a new wardrobe.