Life List

So I am going to see Prince tonight. It is actually hard for me to stay grounded at work because all I can think about is how excited I am for this show. It's a very rare thing for me to get super caught up in things like this--even JT and Gaga had me less on edge--but Prince is one of those people I have spent my own life wanting to see.

He's on the list.

I don't mean the list of performers I want to see--though there is one--but on my life list of things I would like to do. He is somewhere between having cocktails with Amstead Maupin, visiting the Great Pyramids of Giza, publishing my first book and buying my first piece of real art. I guess it would be the bucket list but I have had this in my mind since 15 which is so before that phrase took trend.

So when my friend Charity told me all about her trip to Egypt this past summer and how much fun she had exploring all the old places in Cairo--I was extremely jealous. Like to the point that I didn't want to hear about it at all. She laughed at me when I said that and stated the following--

"You know you can do that, right?"

And it is true. So many things on my list seem like they are difficult if not impossible but the truth is I can do them. If I choose to focus on them. it's not that hard to save up money for a trip, or find a reading where Maupin might be or scan through Esty to find the exact piece of work that speaks to me. I could self publish my own book, I could try and see every one of my band, I could do all of this myself

It is just a matter of focus and effort and time. Instead of getting so caught up in the details of the everyday--I need to plan my attack for what I want.I can do that.

But first I have to see Prince. Priorities people!

Swing For The Fences

I have bee trying to get back into the swing of things. Between working on the entire "quitting that bad habit i have had for half my life", figuring out the best way to work out with my back acting up and just the general art of balancing naps, work, dating and life together--I haven't gotten much done.

well--I have read a lot of books.

But for the first time in a while I kind of feel at balance with everything. I'm not getting crazy moody about the smoking, not cheating on the no cheese aspect of the diet, managed to work out without throwing out my back and am still trying to work out the writing here and there thing. It is a bit hard.

all that said--I finally feel a bit back in the game and like I am getting stuff accomplished. It's time to make my list a bit bigger--get back in the social whirl, get my words flowing and even spend a little more time being awesome boyfriend. I figure I can handle all of that.

Yay.

Ain't That A Drag

Okay. I always say I don't watch reality TV but I am totally into "RuPaul's Drag Race". There is something I really enjoy about RuPaul in general and the show is a fun mix of badly behaving queens, trainwreck fashion and more random gay one liners than you can shake a stick at.

But I always hate the winner.

When it comes to the idea of a superstar--I just expect something more. More than looks or high fashion but a certain spark or magic in their performance. And it didn't happen with last season's winner and once again the mark fell short.

I just wish Raja had some kind of chemistry... She always seemed so lost and awkward during any kind of performance outside of a runway walk... Just uncomfortable, unable to portray serious emotions or even do sight lines in any of the video projects. I mean--her style is amazing at points and she could definitely pass for a glamorzon but--

It's kind of like the idea of hanging out with Cindy Crawford and Julia Roberts back in the day... I would imagine Miss Crawford to be a stunner but you would probably have your eyes drawn to the natural warmth and energy of Miss Roberts. I just never felt Miss Raja warm up and she was so obviously favored by the judges that she didn't have to.

And can Miss Michelle be gone next season? I just disliked everything about her--from her loud laughing cheer when Mimi was eliminated to her snide comments about almost all contestants such as "at least she can talk" referring to the difference between Alexis and Manila... Plus she brought back Carmen "I have nothing in my brain so I can't ever be interesting" Carrerra....

SIGH

I think after this I will just be turning in for Drag U from now on... All the funny queens with personality show up there like Pandora, Juju, Raven and such... That's why I watch--to be entertained.

Love What You Love

For some reason this video has changed my opinion on a few things; mostly Kei$ha, James Van Der Beek, unicorns, guns, rainbows and the costume choices of her label. Please enjoy the following video as proof.



Please people--it can't be all strum and drag on this blog. Happy day!

Sarah Jane Sadness

Growing up I was a huge Doctor Who fan. I spent many a Saturday afternoon caught up in the various worlds, companions, time lines and Doctors of the BBC. But there was no companion I loved more than Miss Sarah Jane Smith.

Spunky, sweet, brave, ballsy--Sarah Jane was the atypical 70s heroine in that she took care of herself and managed to get things done. She wasn't always practical or the smartest person in the room but she always tried her best and brought out the best in other around her.

Exactly the type of person I would want to be if a space traveler.

And now the actress who played her has passed on. Elisabeth Sladen died at the young age of 63 and in the second coming of her career as the star of her own Dr Who spin off--the Adventures of Sarah Jane Smith. While the fate of that show rests in limbo for the moment--I just wanted to send off the character in the right way.

The Empty Bed Itch

Finally the entire Dollhouse is on a day schedule--Johnno is working in an office, Lola is on a day shift with her job and I continue with my 9-5 (ish) madness. We're all still working out the morning routine, how to stay out of each others' way, how much pajamas to wear and the fastest way to get everyone up and going.

So far--so good.

But there is a brief moment every morning where Johnno is out of bed and I am alone with the entire mess for about 5 minutes. And I stretch out over the entire bed--arms, legs, fingers, toes all across the entire setup.

I never used to do this.

I'm not sure what it is about---it is slightly relaxing and may be good for my back. Someone suggested that it was because the bed was too cramped but I have had a lot of men in that bed (that size of bed--not the actual bed--I do change the mattress every couple of guys). This led to a conversation about the difference between sharing a bed when you know the other person has a home and making the bed home for two people. Another one of those "once you live together everything changes".

Does it?

I have actually thought a lot about this recently; between reading about Lucy's plans to move in with her doctor, Lola's ongoing long distance relationship and even just general rumblings from all the couples I know. I guess it is supposed to be a huge game changer and make things more difficult or stressful or complicated. But it doesn't really feel that way--sometimes I wonder if I am doing everything wrong since it has been so simple and quiet and understated.

With the exception of closet space. Seriously.

So in the interest of not creating undue drama I have decided to look at my morning bed acquisition as something positive. That me reclaiming the bed has less to do with "taking back personal space" and more to do with me having it all and wanting to "roll around" in it. And when it comes to explaining how that feels--the living together, not the rolling around in the bed--I am going to explain how it shouldn't feel different when you make that choice. About how the relationship should stay the same with the extra benefit of knowing where someone is at the end of the night.

Now that I think about it--the stretching into his personal space could be about how much I miss Johnno that early in the morning. But that would mean I have changed and am possibly codependent which is not the case and not something I would encourage.

Especially since I would still like to reclaim my closet.

Beginnings and Endings

This past week was an emotional one for me--unexpectedly so--but that has actually turned into a reason to try and push myself forward and onward. I have been struggling with a weird feeling of restlessness and ennui but I also know that this is also of my own making at the end of the day. it is up to me to change things.

I don't know if I have been so raw because I have cut back on my bad habits, if I am finally trying to get my sleep and workouts on track or if it just because I have been spending more time alone than normal. One of the downsides of Johnno working at the bookstore is there was a lot of "us" time suddenly open and I didn't really know what to do with it. Which makes me one of those daters I despise.

Or maybe it has just been the current trend of past favorites either being repackaged or ended or revamped in some way. Reading the new Sweet Valley novel reopened a place in my head from when I read the originals, how much fun things seemed and how much to look forward too. How I used to imagine myself running off to live in California--the perfect combination of Elizabeth and Jessica--personality wise. Smart but crafty, meek but bold when needed to be. I had this image of sunsets and surfers and Fiats up and down the coast... Not exactly what happened.

Maybe it was the cancellation of "All My Children" and "One Life To Live". Growing up I always imagined I would somehow end up in the highly glamorous job of writing for daytime dramas. Not only did I watch a little bit of each of the major shows--though Santa Barbara and General Hospital rules the roost--but I could tell you what was right and wrong with each show, who the headwriter's were, and the history of at least the core families. My goal was to someday surpass the William Bells, Agnes Nixons and Douglas Marlands of the genre and make it my own. Instead i have been slowly watching the death of the genre and people picking fun at the bones. It makes me beyond sad--I only wish that ABC could have at least waited until Agnes Nixon died before canceling every show she every created.

Perhaps it was the reboot of Scream 4. One of my favorite films, one of my favorite genres and one of the riskier ideas that could happen. I remember saying to Dominic that I didn't know--after the week I had with the shows being canceled and reading the SV novel--if I could handle a truly bad film. I went into the theatre dreading everything but came out pleasantly surprised. It was a fun ride, well cast with some great characters and a handful of good twists and creepy murders. That at least restored my faith in things.

Which oddly enough gave me hope.

I know that I am the only one responsible for how things turn out. I need to sit down and think about what I want--really want--and how far I am willing to go to make those things happen. Whether it is working on my body, my head, my relationships and my friendships--it is really just a matter of putting the pieces together, making a plan and moving forward. It is just that simple

As part of that i plan to make better use of the blog. What that means is spending my mornings putting down my words and thoughts more than pictures and music reviews. I have the time at my job to do this for now and it is a good practice to clear out my head and make room for better things. Doesn't mean it will be negative but instead it will be more like a mystery with the various pieces coming into place.

I Want



I want the artist did this masterful oil on canvas of Lil Wayne be committed to do one of me post haste. Who would have guessed this would be the painting that would make me reconsider buying art? I sense a birthday gift or some type of chairty event to make this happen