Work work work work work

It seems like all I do. Now I assume this is all my fault-I constantly ask for things, for people, for experiences without really thinking through the reality of what I am doing. I always thought I wanted the next step in BB, I like the idea of being ambitious and have ALWAYS thought of myself as more than capable. But where the problem lies is that I got the job by default--with no training time for a position that needs itt--and constantly feel like I am either failing or drowning.

Of course there are people telling me to stop being a fatalist--Johnno, Edie, Kirby, Renny--but I don't think they understand what it feels like to spend everyday wondering when (not if) you will be fired. And what is even more odd is that being fired wouldn't even bother me. I would be upset at losing a job but I would not be upset at losing that job--if that makes any sense.

But I have to believe that today will be better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today. It is the only thing keeping me going