Christmas Lights

I feel like I have been surrounded by Christmas lights--pretty colors, flattering lighting and a more than slight distraction. It might be with the show ending or just the general ennui of life changes but I find myself out of sorts. It's not that I am not doing what I want or how I want it but more that I don't really know the answer to the question.

For so long I have been so sure but as of late I have been less than hundred percent when it comes to going and getting what I want. It is mostly because I just don't know what it is--and it bothers me. I have always felt that to be happy you have to be going after things with passion, with gusto, and balls to the wall.

But right now I am not sure what that is for me. It is very jarring to feel a bit useless and uncertain after all this time--I mean, I have a great place, good friends, an amazing boyfriend but I still feel like I am somehow without a paddle.

I am even using boring turns of of phrase. I don't know