Sometimes, Most Times, It is Just You

So Johnno's parents were coming to town. he explained this to me a few months back-before I had a settled schedule for BB and a possible excuse to not have to meet them. I had been dodging any attempt to make concrete plans for the simple reason that I didn't really want to meet his parents. In general I don't like parents.

And this just doesn't just apply to boyfriends' parents but most any parents from roommates to friends to random co-workers. For some reason that sheer ideal of parental units makes me uncomfortable. I'm sure it has something to do with my own parental relationships-a combination of selfishness and independence, love and indifference,mixed emotions--but I'd like to think that it is not just me projecting my own issues on Johnno's family.

I think it has more to do with being the 'gay' boyfriend. Because whether or not we like to admit it, a huge part of what people think when they hear gay is they think sex. Not kissing or hand holding, not slow dancing or weddings, but weird, different, strange, unexpected sex in ways that makes some people uncomfortable. I don't know if this is true for most straight people but when I meet couples or hear about dating or find out someone's sexuality I don't normally picture them in bed--or maybe everyone does.

And when you add the parent angle into the situtation then everything become even more awkward. No one wants to picture their children having sex or think about their sex life or anything like that--we go from being little things they protect from the world to one day opening ourselves up to the world--it is hard transition at best. But when you add the gay factor it forces people to not only think about their children's sex life because it is that sex... the GAY sex... So you can imagine that even in a good situatution it is still a little weird.

And it didn't help that Johnno told me that his family had a bit of a hard adjustment to his coming out. Nothing crazy with fights or screaming, no one was disowned, but it was a bit of a rough process and one that really took, and still takes, time and effort with his family. I don't really have this problem mostly because my coming out had more to do with a million other cracks in my family besides the gay crack so I had little experience with how to figure out how to navigate the scenario.

Which is I was trying so hard to deflect the entire event.

It wasn't until late one night when Johnno and I were off to bed and he finally told me that he wanted me to go, that it was important to him, that given how serious we were that I had to go. I felt like that episode of 'Sex in The City' when Adrian's parents come town and Carrie tries to dodge the bullet and she ended up saying she didn't do with parents and Adrian is disappointed and lets her off the hook but at the end Carrie sucks it up and goes which works out for both Adrian and Carrie.... And I knew how the story has to work out but I was fighting against and in the end I realized I had to give in.

And it ended up being fine because most of what was holding me back was in the my head and not there at the table between courses of Italy food. I made jokes and conversations, played up my good qualities with bangs down and button up shirts and managed to not drink my way through the whole meal. It had some bumps and silences and moments where it felt me and Johnno against the world but at the end of the day it was fine and passable and worth it for me to try.

And as we said goodbye on the curb, I realized that I had over thought things, and that Johnno had over informed me, but that at the end of the day it was just a meal and just people meeting and that anything more than that was on me. That sometimes I am the crazy in the room....that maybe it is juts me