This is Why I Love Him

Now I don't like to get gifts for my birthday--I would rather live things with my friends then get things from my friends--but the boyfriend is still rather new to the game so I had to let his gifting go because he meant well.

Now on my actual birthday he gave me a nice bottle of scent; one that I actually love and hadn't replaced recently just because I kept forgetting. I was happy with the gesture and figured that would be the end of it. So I was a bit surprised, and embarrassed, when at the bar I found that he had more gifts for me. That being said, I always seem to not remember how much he does get me and my sense of humor.

Why? Because for my gift Johnno gave me a bedazzled (by hand) yamaka as a nod to my past when I was thought to be a Jew at my old job. He then followed this up with the prayer list that I would need for my Bar Mitzvah as well as a copy of Jewish Time for me to read. This really cracked up Joy because he actually spelt out my name in Hebrew on the yamaka in brightly colored beads. It was a good gift but then he really surprised me with a group gift that he came up with on the fly.

Back when we were first chatting on-line, flirting in circles and sharing stories, we had a long talk about how we both had played a lot of truth or dare Jenga back in college. (If you are unfamiliar with this game--it is simply taking a Jenga game and writing various truth or dares on the induvidual pieces. It can be quite fun). So imagine my surprise when I opened a new boxed verison of Jenga--but the actual game had already been opened. I was pleased but confused

Johnno then explained that he had spent the better part of the night at the bar getting all my various guests to make up their own true or dares for the game and even tried to get Edie to text one back from Hastings. It was really cool gift and I was touched to have something that everyone had been apart of. When the boy gets it right, he really gets it right.



PS The best dare in the game "Create a video game based off your favorite literary character, get said game devolped in foreign countries in a bid to be famous." I almost fell of my sit laughing at that one.

PSS I also feel bad for whomever sits to the left of anyone when playing this game--they will end up with licked faces and lap dances. Good times.

Obviously I Love Rock and Roll

So last night the gang and I went out for drinks for my birthday. Now it is a long established fact that I do not like birthday parties--but the boyfriend is new to this and teamed up with a couple of the girls (Valeska and Kelly at first) to pull together something to celebrate. Once I caught wind of this, I threw myself into the mix since I am a fan of controlling my own destiny when it comes to such things.

We ended up at a new (to me) bar called El Bar in Universal/Studio City, located where we had celebrated Dominic's 30th a bit back when it was the Casting Office. Kelly had been there for happy hour a few times and tried to explain the decor as dark with Bull Head on the wall and a topless Freida Kahlo print. I thought it sounded kitschy (spl?) so I was down for the count.

Imagine my surprise when about 2 minutes into the place and I realized it was meant to be a bullfighter/Spanish themed bar. It was empty (a good thing for a party) and nice with lots of room and I headed over to the jukebook that Kelly had spoken highly of. I ended up spending the first 30 minutes of the night not with Kelly or Johnny or the boyfriend but in the corner playing with the music.

Now here's the thing--I love music and I really love taking control of the mix for a party. I managed to somehow spend 25 dollars in said jukebox, pretty much loading it for bear, but had a bit of a struggle. The selection at any bar is always hapzard--you have the standard great hits artists like Journey, AC/DC, Areosmith, Beatles--then you have the 'cds that make the theme of the bar' which was Gyspy Kings, Los Lobos and Bueno Vista Social Club but also lots of hipster bands like Girl Talk, Editors, Cold War Kids and obscure albums by The Killers, Franz Fernidad, and Jet. And there is always the random CD.

For some reason every bar seems to have that one selection that makes absolutely no sense...one you just look at in utter surprise. Maybe it is the soundtrack to a random movie or a hip hop compilation but it is the answer to one of these things is not like the other.In the case of El Bar, it was the new Black Eyed Peas album which also cemmented my theory as to their career and popularity-somehow they just sneak in. But in an effort to be current, as this was the only pop album in the whole jukebox, I did make a single selection. (Little did I know this would come back to haunt me after watching a drunken wanna-be starlet grind the doorway by our table)

But it was nice to pretty much own the music that night. Between James Brown, Tom Petty, Dr. Dre and tons of Blondie I think it was money well spent. Even 'Boom Boom Pow' was worth it in the end.

Quote of the Day

Johnno regarding his over the top birthday gift/joke for me.

"It would be cool if you kept it but I don't want to be the boyfriend who gives you crap..."

HA!

Boho Homo

The other day I was cleaning up my room when i stumbled across my copy of 'The Bohemian Manifesto' laying on the floor by my nightstand. I had started rereading the book a few weeks back when I was starting to get bored with everything in my life--not that I don't love everything about it but I have recently felt like life is just one big lather, rinse, repeat.

The thing is I always wished I was someone who was more exciting--one of those people who ends up at a different bar every weekend, takes road trips to out of the way places just because, spends one day camping and another camping it up over cocktails in West Hollywood. I want to spend my free time painting (though I never have), run around in crazy hats and weird outfits (Anything like that has been unintentional), to just jump on a plane at a moment's notice or end up at the underground scene by pure chance.

It's not that i don't love everything about my life-my dinners with the boy, hanging out with my friends, days sleeping in and night spent on the couch or in a backyard but there is a part of me that always thought my life would be much much more. I want stories that top Jaq's, to make Edie jealous with all the details, to be someone who's every story end and begins with something shocking. But somehow I also know that I am too cautious, too practical and too self aware to really be that person.

So instead i read about people who do those things and imagine what it could be like if it was me. Maybe someday i will even try.

A To Do List

- Finish figuring out which bills I would like to have paid off by end of summer.

- Find a new credit card for a good rate. (I might talk to Raquel about this.)

- Continue to work out my workout scheudle so I don't lose my slight ab defition.

- Talk to my mom about which American Girl Doll to buy for my sister

- Finally decide one way or another about that bench from Urban Outfitters

- Start approaching people for leads for my next job. (In terms of figuring out who I can comfortably approach for work)

- Make time to see Charity, email Lucy and get on the phone with Naomi

- Clean out some dead weight from my closet.

- Destress.

The Problem With Perfection

I am a perfectionist. I'm not sure where this trait comes from; whether it is a leftover from my childhood and the need to feel settled or just some natural desire I ahve always had for order. I make my bed everyday (give or take a day), my clothes are organized by color and function, and each night when I get off of work I repack my backpack and pick the next day's outfit while settling up breakfast and the coffee maker as I brush my teeth. It's just something I do.

But as of late, I have found myself growing frustrated more than needed when I can't get everything I want done. Whether it is my two workouts per day, setting aside my vitamins, or even getting to see everyone when I want and on time. I'm not really sure what needs to be adjusted at this point or how to let go of my need for control. Because that is really what is at stake, my need to feel like I can have, do, and make it all go exactly the way that I want. And when it doesn't I become this person I don't particular like to be around, muchless force on others.

Suggestions?

Moments with Rory

This is Where I work and the type of geeks I work with....



This is the screen on the printer at ,y desk....the geeks reprogrammed the screen to have lines from the '84' show up as a joke about BB. If only they put as much thought into there jobs....

Imperfect and Immortal

'Sixteen Candles' is one of my favorite films of all time. There is something about the character of Samantha that, for me, seems to encompasses so much of what to means to be a teenager; from the insecurity to the crushes to the jealousy. I am not saying it is a perfect film-in retrospect the entire Long Duck Dong plot is pretty damn offensive--but it is one of the best balanced teen films of all time.

I guess what I love about this film, and all of John Hughes films, is that he really seemed to understand how to write teenagers more than any group. He not only understood how they talk but how they socialize, how they want to be themselves but also what a struggle it was to get there. Most of all, he believed in their internal life.

How it was important it was to be accepted, to be kissed, to get drunk, to prove yourself to your peers, to try and be your own person, to survive a day at school, survive living with your own family but most importantly to be seen for more than just a child, more than just a stereotype, more than just a kid living in an adult world. It is something that almost anyone can relate to and what keeps his films with us, bought and viewed, quoted and loved.

Thank you

Six Months and Six Days

So me and the boy just celebrated our six month anniversary. It feels a bit strange (though it is stranger to know that Nolan and I have our anniversaries exactly 3 months apart) to know that somehow that I have not felt the six months at all. I mean, I know that Johnno and I have been together forever but it doesn't feel like forever.

Normally at this point I would start to be bored or get concerned about the cracks that would be starting to show in the relationship. Instead I find myself having long conversations with Johnno that I never had with any other boy--about money and families and careers--and we do things that I normal don't want to do--like learning how to cook and spending nights on the couch with wine and vodka. And I am fine with it.

If I am truthful, I am more than fine with where we are at in our relationship. I am more than fine with all the ways we work ourselves together from the sex and the conversation and the meals and sleeping. He makes me happier than I thought i could be and in ways I never knew I wanted. It is special in so many ways and unique in many others.

Cover Girl Is Not Just Make up

I am so excited about the G. I. Joe film. This is surprising to most people who know me but growing up I was really into the entire G. I. Joe franchise. Between my brother and I we had most of the toys from both sides of the story and my parents were really good about balance. Like if I had the Duke action figure my parents would give my brother Snake Eyes, if he got Destro then I would get the Baroness so that things stayed equal.

And this applied for all the toys we had as kids whether it be Transformers (I had Optimos Prime and he had Megatron) or He Man (I had He Man and Teela while my brother had Skelator and Evilynn) which made buying any gift easy because all you had to do was balance things out with an equal number of important toys. I guess that would be the easiest part of having two boys less then a year apart because we were almost guarenteed to have the same taste in the same things.

That being said-what I am most annoyed but excited by with this film is that one of the main characters is one of the few action figures my brother and I were never had. But i am pretty sure they fucked with the origin of that character so I might be unhappy but until then I will watch this trailer again and again

Sometimes, Most Times, It is Just You

So Johnno's parents were coming to town. he explained this to me a few months back-before I had a settled schedule for BB and a possible excuse to not have to meet them. I had been dodging any attempt to make concrete plans for the simple reason that I didn't really want to meet his parents. In general I don't like parents.

And this just doesn't just apply to boyfriends' parents but most any parents from roommates to friends to random co-workers. For some reason that sheer ideal of parental units makes me uncomfortable. I'm sure it has something to do with my own parental relationships-a combination of selfishness and independence, love and indifference,mixed emotions--but I'd like to think that it is not just me projecting my own issues on Johnno's family.

I think it has more to do with being the 'gay' boyfriend. Because whether or not we like to admit it, a huge part of what people think when they hear gay is they think sex. Not kissing or hand holding, not slow dancing or weddings, but weird, different, strange, unexpected sex in ways that makes some people uncomfortable. I don't know if this is true for most straight people but when I meet couples or hear about dating or find out someone's sexuality I don't normally picture them in bed--or maybe everyone does.

And when you add the parent angle into the situtation then everything become even more awkward. No one wants to picture their children having sex or think about their sex life or anything like that--we go from being little things they protect from the world to one day opening ourselves up to the world--it is hard transition at best. But when you add the gay factor it forces people to not only think about their children's sex life because it is that sex... the GAY sex... So you can imagine that even in a good situatution it is still a little weird.

And it didn't help that Johnno told me that his family had a bit of a hard adjustment to his coming out. Nothing crazy with fights or screaming, no one was disowned, but it was a bit of a rough process and one that really took, and still takes, time and effort with his family. I don't really have this problem mostly because my coming out had more to do with a million other cracks in my family besides the gay crack so I had little experience with how to figure out how to navigate the scenario.

Which is I was trying so hard to deflect the entire event.

It wasn't until late one night when Johnno and I were off to bed and he finally told me that he wanted me to go, that it was important to him, that given how serious we were that I had to go. I felt like that episode of 'Sex in The City' when Adrian's parents come town and Carrie tries to dodge the bullet and she ended up saying she didn't do with parents and Adrian is disappointed and lets her off the hook but at the end Carrie sucks it up and goes which works out for both Adrian and Carrie.... And I knew how the story has to work out but I was fighting against and in the end I realized I had to give in.

And it ended up being fine because most of what was holding me back was in the my head and not there at the table between courses of Italy food. I made jokes and conversations, played up my good qualities with bangs down and button up shirts and managed to not drink my way through the whole meal. It had some bumps and silences and moments where it felt me and Johnno against the world but at the end of the day it was fine and passable and worth it for me to try.

And as we said goodbye on the curb, I realized that I had over thought things, and that Johnno had over informed me, but that at the end of the day it was just a meal and just people meeting and that anything more than that was on me. That sometimes I am the crazy in the room....that maybe it is juts me