Due To Lucy

So the other day I was reading Lucy’s blog—one of those weird blogs that we have once in awhile where we complain about something that we know is not true but still we rent out some mental space regardless.

She wrote this brief piece about how she was feeling fat and unhealthy—this despite the fact she does yoga 4 or 5 times a week, doesn’t drive and walks the hills of San Francisco, that she eats either healthy or very little. I thought I was the only one who felt that way—filled with wasted ambition.

The truth is—after seeing pictures of myself from Kaylie’s birthday party—I wondered what I had been doing all these past months. All the early mornings to work just to run for an hour before I started my shift, all salads that I struggled to make instead of just having the easy meals, all the times where I would rather be reading instead of doing my abs routine, and giving up of all soda except for the weekends and only then because I want to drink less liquor.

It just feels like I have been wasting time and effort almost everyday of the week for every month for the past year. And I know this is not true—that things fit differently, that I can se a few new lines here and there, that I am much healthy than I had been. But I still have those moments where I just feel so defeated and over it.

When I wish I looked like someone else.