If It Had A Theme—What Would It Be?
Current mood: Empowered

If It Had A Theme—What Would It Be?

So I had a very gay weekend—okay I can hear the comments from cyberspace already so just shut up—and found myself at a end by the end of it. It started simply enough with the end of my current job and no real plans to celebrate the occasion due to people either out of town, leaving town or other social obligations. So I decided to grab a bottle of wine and some DVDs and just send some time being chill.

(Random side note—whenever I get something new whether it is a cd or a book or dvd I have a compulsion to use said object right away. Nonetheless this means at any giving time I have a stack of novels, mix cds or films waiting to be watched.)

So I sorted through the DVDs and decided that instead of finishing 'Wonderfalls' or 'Queer As Folk' (season one) I would watch the first episode of 'Noah's Arc'. Not the short lived ABC family show but the gay sitcom from the Logo channel about a group of Black gay friends living in Los Angeles and I fell in love with the quirky characters and sense of fun and whimsy.

But after I plowed through the entire first season (yeah—it's that good) I got depressed. There is something about watching a show about a life that you have no part of that can make you crazy. I mean—as I watched the romantic trials and tribulations of Noah and the boys I started wondering why I never had that life. I always thought I would when I was a teen as I read all the 'Tales of the City' books, when I watched 'Beautiful Thing', when I would scour all the random websites about the different gay grottos of New York and Los Angels and Minneapolis. But I never have.

Part of it is my own fear, my shyness, my inability to be fully comfortable within my own skin. But in order to try and get over this claustrophobic feeling I am trying a new train of thought. It was spurred by two separate things recently said to me—one was an e-mail of Buddhist (or was it Zen?) school of thought which broke down to—'get over yourself, you're not that important'. The second was an old saying that my Nana told me—that when you are in a room with 10 new people it always breaks down like this—2 people will love you, 2 people will dislike you and the other 6 won't give a shite. Live like you're always dealing with the other six.

So what I have decided is to not only to listen and learn from both those saying but to take them as a call to action. That from here on out I am going to live my life as if I was that person I always thought I should be. That I will go out more—with friends or by myself—that I will get on the dating thing starting small with on-line stuff and seeing where that goes. To try and become my own star because there's no reason not to.

Hopefully this will involve a lot of new lot of new experiences. Bad dates, better outfits, drunken dancing, new advice column, more fun learning new things and taking myself out of the comfort zone. To put Carrie Bradshaw to shame, to make like Noah and get on with, and to make Mouse proud. There's gonna be a new blog involved with this to help push myself even harder.

I think the new opening is coming up and its time for this lead character to get on with it.