Mae-by, Mae-by Not

I finally made time to hook up with Kelly and Lizzie two nights ago to head over to Peggy and David’s and see the latest addition to their family. I was feeling guilty since it has been almost five weeks since they had their baby but I also didn’t want to be one of the people that night be overcrowding them.

Babies always amaze me—the idea that something so small and defenseless comes out of one of us is just weird and touching at the same time. And little Mae is a very beautiful baby and I mean beautiful. (I’m not one of those people who thinks all babies are cute—I wasn’t a cute baby so I can talk smack.) She was very docile and took being held by the strangers pretty well.

Looking at her little serene face as she laid across my arms I remembered how much I do want kids and a family of my own. It’s kind of fun and popular for us all to play it coy when it comes to the subject but in the end of the day most of us (barring Valeska) are eager to have one of our own. Of course these thought only occur when holding a pink clad, smiling, squirming little one and not when drinking beers at the BR.

What is hard for me is that I will have to really work for my own children; adoption is very expensive and the process is extremely time consuming. I remember back when Nick was getting ready to start the processes I was very jealous because he easily has the means in a way that I don’t. Part of me hopes that a bunch of money will just fall from the sky to make this all possible.

And I am terrified that money is the one thing that will prevent me from having kids. Its rather disheartening to realize all the things that need to happen first before I would even be considered a suitable candidate. But maybe I am over thinking this and that it will all work out the way it needs to.

Though another part of me hopes I can adopt the child of any friend that needs to stay in the country and can if she has an American baby. I’m not saying I support reckless pregnancy but it could be an option, eh?