The Truth about Walker

So after the V-Day fiasco, Mac and I got home and just hung out, laughing about the bar and Vedder and Walker. We were just loopy and silly as we rolled around the house looking for something to eat and making plans for the rest of the weekend.

Imagine to my surprise when Mac just looked at me and said, “What do you want from Walker?” It was a little bit out of left field and just so direct that, even in our semi-drunk state, I was taken aback. I had to think about it for a second and then I realized that even I wasn’t sure. And if something does happen, I’m going to need an explanation that will satisfy the masses.

I guess Walker symbolizes the lack of opportunity to meet men within this group. This isn’t to say he’s a body pillow while I wait for something else to come along but he is chance for me to have something while staying in bounds of the group. I find him interesting, kind of cute and, honestly, someone that I could help out in the long run.

It fits into my habit of being a fixer. I like to help people and while my tactics aren’t always the best, I do try. And Walker, with his drinking problem and his habit of cock blocking Vedder as well as he’s confusing sexual interests—it appeals to me. I guess it is like the Nick issue, someone who I do like and would want to get to know better because I feel I can be of use to them. And that is where my problem lies.

I have a history of trying to do the best by everyone and it is usually not to my own best interest. I will sacrifice my goals and hope in order to make everyone else happy. I will give time, energy and a piece of my heart to anyone who needs it, regardless of whether they will respect that at the end. And Walker falls into that category and combined with the lack of men in this group for me to meet…well, he just becomes something that I can have, as opposed to something I even want or need.

And I do believe we will end up hooking up, being the talk of some parts of the group and then it will be done and just another piece of my history. And if that’s bad, well…we all have those stories, right?