Beginnings and endings

Beginnings and endings

Reminiscing today caused me to have one of those epiphanies where when you think about it afterwards you feel foolish for not jumping to ithe same conclusion earlier…

Growing up my favorite holidays were always Halloween and New Year's eve – – I always assumed that it was because for one you just dress up and be whoever you wanted and for the other it was all about new opportunities.

It wasn't until today through a kind of random conversation that I realized that the reason those are my favorite holidays is because of my childhood. See growing up with my parents' divorce, they fought about everything involving me and my brother. Every holiday was split down the middle – – Christmas breakfast with mom Christmas dinner with dad,  thanksgiving with Nana and later Thanksgiving with my french grandparents. Don't eat too much… Don't talk about your other presents… How dare you like one thing more than the other?

 Add to this my stepfather's extended family definitely made no effort to make us feel like we belong and my dad's family treated us like we adopted stepchildren we were… gifts for everyone but us sometimes, not making enough food to include us, always missing out on the family photos…So unintentionally or not they did things that made us feel bad

But no one ever fought over Halloween and New Year's… Neither cared about trick-or-treating or dressing us up and neither really wanted to watch us when they want to be up late and to seeing the new year 

It was the one holiday where there was no fighting, no awkward family moments, and was just simple. We got a large pizza and a bottle of soda and nonalcoholic side--we were left to watch movies like Grease 2 or Gremlins or total request live as late as we wanted on NYE

it was the happiest holidays we had and I'm not sure why I blocked that out except that explains a whole lot. 

Inspiration Blonderexic

Inspiration Blonderexic

So I've gone and colored (not dyed--never dyed) my hair platinum blond... Bright, shiny, over-the-top blond. I haven't done a color this extreme in a long time and I haven't done platinum since my senior year of college. I forgot how liberating it is.

Fortunately for me, the actually upkeep of my hair is easier since I am a natural dirty blond already. This means that I just have to keep up with the face shaving for my hair to seem somewhat natural and on-point. But I always forget what a change  of lifestyle being this blond is; how it is almost addictive.

1) I look different to a lot of people... There is something about wispy blond hair that makes people think you look younger, sometimes you look more ditzy, other times you look more approachable. I am never carded more often than with this color--and I get more smiles from strangers in general

2) Once you get the hair care process locked in--your hair will never feel unhealthy if you do it right. I mean--going this blond requires upkeep between purple shampoos and conditioners, leave-in hair masks and dry shampoo for the other 5 days a week you don't wash your hair...  What all this does is keep you from stripping too many of your hair's natural oils (from shampooing), helps you keep the extra junk out of your hair with the better hair products designed to deal with hard water and environmental damage and it encourages a lot of deep conditioning and leave-in serums which are IMPORTANT for a great head of hair. 

3) finally, drastically changing colors-which going to a platinum blonde from a dirty blonde is just as much is going from blonde to a brunette-really helps to shake your personality out of a routine… you're forced to dress different, do your grooming different, and it really is just a shift in mental gears.

I can take someone to serious and turn them into someone lighthearted and flirt orsomeone from two cheerful and kiss you too turkey mysterious… And it's always great to shake it up and not only for the ones who love you but also just push yourself outside the box

Seriously though this platinum blonde thing is pretty addictive

Monday inspiration

Monday inspiration 

Okay i am obsessed with this

Like how do you get platinum facial hair? How hard is it to upkeep? How sexy is this... Am i a blonde-rexic now?

Friday Jams

Friday Jams--WTF by Missy Elliott

I am OBSESSED with this video... It's been three year since Missy gave us something new to work with and it was worth the wait. Now I all I need is for her to do some concert dates and I could die a happy man.



Just the dancing on the hover boards alone is a reason to live

In the Pursuit of Interest

In the Pursuit of Interest

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about kids--most of my friends are at the age where they are starting their families so this is kind of been a recurring topic. And the conversation was about how you talk to kids, how you shouldn't just tell a girl they look pretty or to boys that they're  just brave-- that you should really think about how you address them and how they can read into those words.

I explained how I am always telling kids how clever they are because I think that that's a more powerful idea for them--based on intelligence more than gender roles . But we were also talking about what type of questions should you ask when they're a little older. More than "what toy is that" or "how old are you". Something more imaginative. 

I thought we should ask about what's interesting to them--encourage thought beyond the simple factual into the more creative. To see what they are starting to value as they come to understand that the world around the is more than food, toys, parents and Sesame Street, And as we dived deeper into the topic, my friend and I both realized that interesting was an odd word choice mostly because we don't talk to each other as adults that way.

And it's kind of true – – with most people the conversation is how's your job, your spouse, how's your kid, how's your dog? But outside of that--most people don't allow for more open ended conversation--I'm not much better though.. 

I don't know if it's just life after a certain age; you have a job, go home and make dinner, you play with your spouse/dog/kid, pay some bills, watch some TV, workout... And you do that about 4 to 5 days week so there's not much room for new things to connect with people on. Or is there?

So I've decided to experiment by not only doing more things outside of my schedule… But also opening more conversations with these interesting things and seeing people can meet me halfway. It's kind of like using my work skill set – – no yes no questions, no expected conversation points, and just trying to see what happens if I put the opportunity out there... Do people want to talk books, museums, yoga, documentaries?

So I benefit both by becoming more interesting myself but also opening more doors to interesting conversation with others. Maybe it will even inspire doing interesting things with different people which is always a good way to live.

Life Goal

Salt-n-peppa retweeted me.... Serious life goal accomplished!!!

Where Are They Wednesday Salt-n-Peppa

I have always been obsessed with female rappers… JJ fad, Queen Latifah, Erykah Badu, Missy.... I found their hooks more melodic, the social issues they threw down for more my speed and it was just so cool

And that world was ruled by two queens and an empress AKA Salt-n-P with Spinderella... They  rapped about sexuality with wit, they were street and clever,  and their obsession with 70s soul riffs move their music even more of the hood...

And their hits were classic--push it, what a man, Shoop… (I have more friends who know the lyrics to that song than know the pledge allegiance)

But where they really shine it's on their lesser hits like tramp, aint nobodys business, and  my mic sounds nice...

Then one day they went away.

There were so many rumors about what happened… Spinderella felt ignored and undervalued by the band, Peppa was too sexually explicit once Salt found Jesus, and finally Salt was diagnosed with lupus which was incredible energy drain on her ability to perform.

And in someway each of these things was true – – just not to the extent that it would keep the band down forever. And for that we have to thank Geico

Turns out time changed some of the resentment between the girls and also allowed salt to get her lupus into a more manageable place. But in the time it took that to happen  the group worried that the scene had changed, they weren't the same people, and would it even work with an audience?

But Geico helped them to realize people were clamoring for their return and now they've started doing small sets in concert showcases. And this past weekend I was able to see them perform in Anaheim.

To say they were good is an understatement, to say they still have it would imply they lost it and quite frankly I cried because it was so… Amazing

I won't say it was perfect – – you could see that salt had to take breaks periodically during the easement set… They didnt perform all their songs top to bottom which I think has to do with some of the sex stuff but all three were there and top of their game-- having the time of their lives

And it looks like they are going to continue to do small sets here or there for a while… I'm already planning to see them in April… You should look them up

Fashion Friday: A Light Jog

I'm This fall/winter I have become more and more obsessed with jogger pants… If you had told me when this trend tarted that I would stop looking at them as sloppy sweatpants and begin to incorporate them more into my wardrobe I would have laughed at you.

Thing is they are very comfortable and with designers putting them in materials such as khaki or denim they've become something super easy to work in the wardrobe...

But now I'm getting obsessed with them in the prints – –which can be too similar to Jam pants from the 90s.

Like these pants from Rage On--they're bright, fun. casual but still high quality… The way to make them fashionable though takes a bit more effort; it's not the type of pants you can just wear flip-flops T-shirt with because outside of a brunch it will look super casual and possibly super sloppy

So then how to wear them? 

With something like this you want to wear a more formal top like a solid button-down shirt all the way buttoned to the top of collar. You could also do a denim button-down – – and the shirts can also be short-sleeved as long as they're collared and button-down. 

The truly creative with a nice neck can give the turtleneck a chance. (this is not me)

And because it's winter, I would say pairing them with a cardigan or sweater--both in solids--would be appropriate and not too busy. But no sneakers with thislook--boots, loafers, high-end slip-ons, even construction boots would be a better look towards keeping you from being AC Slater 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

But the final key to this luck is really keeping whatever piece you pair it with high-quality and strictly stylized… Not uncomfortable or overly formal but intentional --and not too loose or ragged looking.

The comfort alone will make it worth the extra styling effort.

SO COMFORTABLE

Book Whore: Dolores by Jacqueline Susann

Book Whore: Dolores by Jacqueline Susann 

When  it comes to Jacqueline Susann it is easy to just think "Valley of the Dolls"--the classic damnation of drugs, Hollywood and the 60s... It is a book near perfect in it's capturing of the excess and ambitions of the period, the type of calling card some authors spend their lives hoping for. Because of that, it is easy to ignore the rest of her works which is a shame because she grew more interesting and more faceted as she went.

Dolores is one of her shortest novels, her final one, barely finished before she passed away from cancer. It is her trickiest novel, a thinly veiled tell-all about a first lady widowed, a fashion plate left adrift in her grief and what she does to bounce back. Susann had the taste to acknowledge the similarities to Jacqueline Kennedy by making several pointed references to her story as being similar...

But Dolores also stands on it's own as an indictment against wealth and excess, a fable about what happens when you have everything around you but nothing inside you. It is a glamorous and sexy as her previous works but also more jaded, more self aware and more raw because of it. Dolores is a beach read for the hipster, the ironic and the rubberneckers of society.

It's a hell of a note to go out on,

Truths

Truths

I've been depressed.

This isnt just casual sadness, the little waves of discontent that sometimes happen, disappointments from day to day life... It has been real depression--the inability to talk, to do the things I like, feeling lost even with the people who love me... I have never felt this way before and it's such a weight to try and shake...

It started this summer and is the reason I haven't been writing as much as I should.

It began with the wrapping up of my show--it was a hard season which was parts my fault and parts others'... I was relived to be on hiatus and actively searched for another job but couldn't even get an interview for jobs I was overqualified for... And then other people were finding new jobs so quickly--it just shook me up to feel like I had no options. And when I decided to accept the offer to go back to my old show--I had an idea in my head how to make the situation better but was derailed by other people's gossip.... I spent the week before I returned to the show crying because I felt so stupid.

But during this time I also had a bad cancer scare--really bad and it just overtook my head.... I spent my birthday bandaged up from a biopsy but hadn't really spoken to anyone about it... It just made me feel even more distant from people--emotionally and physically. I felt I didn't have anyone or any way to talk out my feelings and the husband was not enough...

So I tried to channel all my energy and fear into working out... It's been a year since I quit smoking and the weight just piled on so I jumped into a harder workout routine than I had been doing... Eventually I managed to pretty seriously injure my chest muscle--to the  point that almost 2 months later I am sore after doing basic pushups... But at the time when I first pulled it--I just stopped working out which made me feel even fatter.

It's been a hell of a past few months

But it was getting better--my return to the show was huge in helping me... There was a real effort to change the process, to make it more positive and it was working... My best friend was returning to LA sooner than expected which was a relief... The husbear and I were coming up on our anniversary trip to San Diego... Things were starting to pick up

Then the show had an injunction brought against it, filming stopped and we were all laid off... Johnno was offered a new job which required us to cancel the trip--he even had to work part of the weekend--and the gig is just long enough to mess up these plans then back to the same routine... And one friend is moving further away from us and I have just been kind of stuck alone in my own space....

So that depressed thing I was starting to shake just came back doubled.

But I am trying to take control. Hopefully by writing again... By making a workout that allows me to heal while still working on my stamina... By pushing myself to reach out when I can... Hopefully that is enough to climb up and out of this hole...

Though I feel like one of those clouds in a medication ad.

Blah

Book Whore: The Forever Trilogy AKA the End of Caitlin

Book Whore: The Forever Trilogy AKA the End of Caitlin

Okay--first off thank you for suffering through this series with me.... Love it or hate it--the split personality of the Caitlin series will weigh you down over the course of 9 books so kudos for keeping up....

That said--I love the final trilogy because it is a very rare thing to watch a young adult character all the way through to adulthood and that make it worth the trip. In the final series Caitlin has finally graduated college and is moving on to the big city as a career woman.

In journalism with a side of modeling...

I get that this is a series written in the mid 80s so a character's end game can feel a bit dated--but since the FIRST novel we have known that Caitlin is destined to take over the family mining company. She has been bred to do this and is mentioned all over the place for the first 4 books... And what made that idea unique was having a female with the goal to be in business... So this is a bit off--putting.

The other thing is that Caitlin ends up living in 1980s Manhattan along with Jed, Melanie and several of Caitlin's friends from high school. And while it is nice to tip back to certain place and things--the loss of Caitlin's complex morality makes being in NYC suck... She hates clubs and drinking, is rude and awful about drugs and would rather sit on the couch then be in the punk or art scene with other characters

And she judges them

It just makes the first book more of the same mistake in the second series and makes me sad


BUT

When we get back in book 2 of this trilogy the game is changed--events have brought Caitlin home to Virginia and to the family company and where this series should have been heading all along. The writing sparkles as Caitlin regains her nerves of steel, family drama returns along with a heavy dose maturity for all of the characters--they do feel like young adults now... And the best part is the history of the story is woven into these books with horses, class issues and EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER get woven into the story from Diana to Lawrence to Julian...

It's a great send off to a character that can be frustrating at points... And outside of the Julian story--I would say you could leap from trilogy 1 to trilogy three and not lose out on too much. And even with all my nitpicking--the Caitlin trilogy of trilogies is a fun read and well worth the time... It can be argued that this series even becomes the first New Adult series with the final trilogy--something that I really enjoyed...

Now I have to find whatever else Diana Gregory wrote

Fashion Friday--Formal fantastic

I am loving this overly flashy and accessoried look--its daring and vulgar without being over the top... It's the perfect inspiration penis going into the holiday/office party/wedding season.

And I know I'll have to tone it down to make it a bit more masculine but it's fun, clever, and dramatic

Monday morning inspiration

I spent my Saturday night down in the Marina Delray area of town – – where I stumbled across this large seagull sculpture in a hotel… it reminded me very much of a wind chime that my parents had brought them back from their honeymoon when they were first married  and I was constantly fascinated it.

The idea of the birds and Klein has always spoke to me… It's that visual manifestation of what I think creativity feels and looks like… It's wonderful to be reminded of that in the most random times in the most random places with my friends

A little more inspiration

A little more inspiration 

So last week was my birthday… And it was a type birthday that I didn't really know what I should or wanted to do –some are more confusing than others even if they're not big ones

 Instead though I realized that what I needed to do was not a party or shopping or even talk but to spend the day writing. I think I had to show myself that I could do it again… Because these last five years became about my job at the TV show and it didn't allow me to do… And the idea of security trumped the thing that I want to do

 And most of us – – my friends-- are reaching the point where we have to start accepting who we are, what we're willing to work for and what we already... And it's a really hard thing: sometimes things don't add up the way you wanted and you have to kind of make peace with that or do the challenge the work to be the person you want to be....

So spending the better part of my day just me alone with my computer and my thoughts and whatever version of a muse I have... It Put certain things definitely in perspective

 And I still managed to have fondue and escargot with my husband for the birthday too

Monday Inspiration: World View

Monday Inspiration: World View

This is one of my favorite speeches ever from TV--from the CBS soap "Knots Landing" and something that really encompasses my world view.... I'm not sure if this came from having hippy-ish parents or just a lot of "Sweet Valley High" reading but...I do belive this

The weirdness of human emotion

So it's begun… I've been having odd dreams in the last few days – – mostly  involving children or pets and being responsible for things and freaking out about it… Which is obviously my minds way of trying to handle the fact that I am not working…

And I can't figure out why I'm giving myself such a hard time about this – – I haven't even collected by first unemployment check, I have plenty of savings, and honestly it's the first time I've been out of work and almost 5 years… I shouldn't be feeling this weird already… Maybe I need to take a day and go to the museum which the beach or just stare at trees in the park....

But I don't need to feed into this idea of inadequacy that my brain is seeming to force on me at this point in time... It's really not the end of the world – – my husband's making good money for civil month or two so I have time

Honestly I'm just need to get back on board with  my creative side which will trump my neurotic side hopefully...that is how it works with artists right? 

Flicks--Stonewall

Flicks--Stonewall



So I don't know how to feel about this film--on one hand it has a famous gay director but on the other is how historically inaccurate it feels by the white-washing with the casting. And it doesn't help that the lead is a pretty white male when Stonewall was known to be used by minorities and trans genders and somehow we are seeing the gay male version of Jamie Gertz from Twister--an annoying character to make the entire story more "accessible". I just wish it felt more accurate than this.

Book Whore--The Caitlin Trilogies 2 AKA The Promise

Book Whore--The Caitlin Trilogies 2 AKA The Promise  Trilogy by Francine Pascal

RECAP: So the first trilogy AKA the Love Trilogy we met Caitlin Ryan--rich, beautiful, spoiled who basically is willing to do anything to get the love of her life Jed... In the three books she schemes, accidentally cripples a boy, drives a girl to an eating disorder, gets and loses her man before being trapped in a mining shaft (!!!) and almost dying. And this all takes places in Virginian horse country, her family owns one of the richest mining companies in the USA, but she is a lonely orphan with a bossy rich nana who she hides from at an elite private school.

Lots of horse riding, bad 80s fashion description but a prequel almost to 'Gossip Girl'.

It's a great read because Caitlin was so unique--even when she is trying to be good she is underhanded. She uses her drama club skills to make herself plain and talk a girl out of an eating disorder coma (!!!)... She plays everyone off of each other in horrible ways to make a crippled boy learn to walk again... She is awful and amusing

Just stop reading there.

Now the second trilogy--The Promise Trilogy--is the type of series that seems published by people who got a lot of "network notes and focus groups" because everything is changed about the characters and the world. Caitlin is suddenly nice and kind of stupid--she loses her uncanny sense of people and social situations because she cant phantom why people would be mean or lie. In the original trilogy, first book, first chapter, Caitlin could tell someone was lying if they turned away from her mid sentence but here she is an idiot

It's like going from reading about Scarlett and her POV to Melanie...

But the other thing is they drop everything from the first series--secondary characters including her best friend, the detailed horse riding world she lives in and even her relationship with her family is downplayed. It was like they knew the first series did well but didn't understand why...

So the first book in the new trilogy is all about the summer between high school graduation and college. Caitlin spends part of her summer running a charity for the poor children of the Appalachian Mountain due to her grandmother's mining company before heading off to Montana to spend the end of the summer with her boyfriend Jed's family. There's little hints here or there to previous events and characters but never specific enough to understand.

Now this book does have to do a lot of lifting--Caitlin and Jed have pretty serious life goals in the first series that have to be undone. We left them about to head off to Radcliffe College to study business (for Caitlin) and law (for Jed) but since the characters are now answering to outside publishers' notes this must be changed.

So they quickly change the college mentions to something made-up, Caitlin now is going for an unnamed degree of sorts and Jed is very concerned about not being as successful as Caitlin's family. She has gone from running the show to having to be reassuring and supportive of his dreams. And when she goes to visit his family--this is where the new Caitlin really shows up

Cause Jed has an ex girlfriend named Eve and his sister Melanie is her best friend--from the moment Caitlin disembarks (their words--not mine) from the private plane these two are scheming. They play all sorts of tricks on her and it doesn't even OCCUR to Caitlin that this is happening but instead is all bad luck.  And while this happens there is a subplot about two con artists trying to hustle her grandmother and father back home and Caitlin has proof about this from the first meeting and doesn't understand what it means!!!

Eventually Caitlin wises up about Eve and Melanie by the end of the book, she and Jed mend fences and she returns home to go to college. But not before Jed realizes his father is getting too old to run their expansive ranch and he has to defer college to stay there which is sad but pro family.

Pretty much a stand alone book which is an odd way to start a trilogy.

But book two opens up and we finally get to the overarching plot of the trilogy--Caitlin arrives to college and ends up with enemies and a stalker out for revenge. It's so disconnected from the first book that you have to wonder what was going on with the author of this series. Basically Caitlin met some poor people as a child, wasn't nice and now at college has ran into one of them who decides he will make her fall in love with him, take her virginity and then denounce her as a rich whore.

That's the plot.

And if that wasn't anti-women enough, every girl Caitlin interacts with hates her and either willingly or accidentally helps this guy with his plot. It's kind of ugly and they make Caitlin stupider to facilitate it--because Jed isn't with her in college Caitlin spends her days and nights waiting for him to call or write but once people start sabotaging her mail and messages she becomes to depressed to eat or go to class. And this plot is over two books before they figure anything out--it just makes Caitlin and Jed both so foolish and awful that you have to wonder why you care.

And by stripping all the unique details; the world of thoroughbred horses, the blue blood lifestyle as well as the great supporting characters you suddenly have an "any book, anywhere, any character" which kills most of the magic.

But things to get happier by the end of the trilogy--Caitlin and Jed figure out  the various plots, the bad people grow a heart or disappear and college is back on track for them. It's tidy but very 80s which is unfortunate because while I like Sweet Valley High--Caitlin was more evolved than those stand alone books.

However--what happens in the third trilogy is more odd and interesting.... Careers and weddings and babies and cocaine and another cripple are on the way!

Thursday musings

One of the things I always loved about John Hughes film suppose that is secondary characters more often than not work just as smart and interesting as the leads… And Iona and is one of the best characters up until the end of "Pretty in Pink".... Then boo...

Her philosophy in this scene is something that I didn't get at the time but today I try to understand and live myself... I feel like that some manny of Hughes films have these little lessons buried in them. And then you have to do the hard work to apply them...

Rory By Nature or OCD

So this past weekend was the annual trip to hang out in a cabin by a river in Minnesota... My friend Jeremy has thrown this weekend event for 13 years and myself and Johnno started going after Jeremy's sister Edie invited us…

This is the first year I went since I quit smoking.

So while I know a lot of people at the event from the last few years it's always hard for me to get a grasp on the social situation the first few days… My one trade off from quitting smoking was that I discovered I have pretty serious social anxiety combined with OCD which can be a bit much when dealing with people...

And I know that at times this causes people to think I am aloof and more bitchy than I am which sucks because I want to be better but I don't know how to do that... Even with the LA people who go like Johnno and Lola and Dominic and Bella and Valeska I still suffer abit and people think I don't want to fit in.

But I also don't know how much of my anxiety comes from a mental place or how much of it comes from how I grew up as a gay kid and learning to deal with straight guys in particular... I came to believe they couldnt usually be very trusted and to be especially on guard if they were sporty or jockish or super butch--that's how you end up tied to a fence post.

And while I definitely have a lot of straight male friends nowadays when I meet someone new I still have to wait and feel them out before I can really talk to them... I used to think smoking gave me a reason to leave without being too much of a douche bag so now...

I don't know how to manage this.

And what sucks is I don't want people to think I'm not having a good time or that I don't want to be there for any of those things because the event is one of the few that actually makes me really happy. It gives me some good headspace away from all the Los Angeles shit and feels like family.

Something I don't have a ton of.

So now I'm at a loss--do I go on meds? therapy? Join a fight club? I just don't know 

Inspiration Monday: Unemployment

Inspiration Monday: Unemployment

So my job has gone on hiatus and so for the first time in almost 5 years I am not working.... And with my job you didnt get vacation time due to being free lance so this is the most time I have had off in years--and I dont know what to do with myself.

I already cleaned my closets out for charity stuff, sorted out various home improvement projects that I had been waiting to do, I beat my current video game obsession (Dragon Age) and now I am sitting in the Clubhouse trying to figure out my next step.

I have started up with my writing again and want to work on some painting and drawing but am so rusty on both accounts that I am nervous to pick up and start.... But I do need to use this time for me and get focused--at least starting here is a good place to begin

Yay vacation?

Friday Tunes

I Still Believe In Me by Fame TV show



For some reason this song has been in my head a lot lately--maybe because of how much I love Coco in this video... It's also probably connected to the job ending too but I dont want to think too much about that.

I am amazed it didnt win an Emmy the year this was nominated--it's one of the best numbers from the whole show.

I know I know

My job is ending soon and it's taking me forever to get all my shite lined up... It was extended a few more weeks than thought so I haven't been able to write but soon...

I'll be able to have myself a summer vacation thus bringing full time love 

Obsession: Ronan Farrow

He's a as smart as they come investigative reporter, a pop culture junkie, and a soothsayer on Twitter… There's a whole a lot to like about Ronan Farrow

But honestly he is also the best possible genetic mix of his parents Mia Farrow and Woody Alan – – I mean Frank Sinatra. I'm not sure who they thought they were kidding by pretending it was otherwise a.

Thursday truths: nudes

Thursday truth; nudes

I've been thinking a lot recently about nudes--not pornography though that definitely has its place but more the idea of the classical artists use of the naked body. This came up when I was working on ideas for the decor for our bedroom and I realized that I wanted to put something tasteful and attractive and--well--naked on the wall

This Screams Relaxing

I wondered if this was going to be a bad idea--if when we give tours of the apartment people would get all weird about it… If it would come across as flashing sex as opposed to coming across as something natural and calming and tranquil. There is something very freeing of nudity and that is an emotion I really want to work into my space. 

I Can Take This to One of Those Pictures to Paintings Places--Get an Oil version?

It just strikes me as odd that we as a society decided that anything involving nudity now has changed context and meaning. If you look in the world's top museums, well-made period piece television or film or even what was cataloged as desirable in ancient society--nudity had a place in public.

Now I'm not saying that I'm any better – – my great uncle had a large nude of a woman with great covering her va-jay-jay and I was fascinated by it as a child. I couldn't help but point and giggle however as I matured I'd like to think my taste matured as well....

I mean this screams sophisticated right? It's Roman classical art. Jeez

Start of summer

People who say Los Angeles doesn't have holidays… They have never been in the city in June. This picture is all about one of my favorite seasonal trend--the June Gloom.

It's probably the darker and more sarcastic side of my personality but I love these days that start out cold and  clammy but finish out bright and sunny. I'm sure it has something to do with marine layer or Santa Anna winds but I'm not the kind to look up science…

I just find it darkly interesting

Conflicted

Conflicted

This just looks so douche bag--like the unmade spin-off from the Entourage but.... I'm going to see it if only to laugh and be drunk in public and eat Pinkberry afterwards... Cause my friends will do that.

Where Are They Wednesday: Eric Lindros

Where Are They Wednesday: Eric Lindros

Not many people know this but I grew up in a huge hockey family... Like everyone plays hockey as a kid until they get old enough to disappoint their parents by not wanting to play so there is an entire season in youth league where you just drag a stick behind you forlornly but you eventually you do but your brother doesnt so you spend the best part of childhood feeling like a disappoint until you realize your brother was just being staged mom-ed by your dad.

And then you're okay.

So growing up I was constantly watching hockey, surrounded by hockey debates, in a house where hockey sticks were hung like art and hockey magazines shared space with the New York Times. Which was how I discovered this:

What Dafuq with Two Tone Hair? 

Eric Lindros was some kind of weird crossbreeding of Zack Morris and AC Slater--smart aleck mixed with jock, the kind of guy who would play rough but be gentle off the ice. Now honestly--is most of that true? No--but he was exactly the kind of guy my teenage self idolized.

I also think I thought it would be cool to date a hockey player because my dad would have to be more accepting of his son's gay professional hockey player boyfriend. Not that Lindros was gay--but don't tell my preteen scrapbook filled with pictures, stats and even still from ad campaigns. The heart wants what it wants.

As a player Lindros was a bad boy from the moment he skated into the NHL with his refusal to play for the first team that signed him--the Quebec Nordiques. They weren't cosmopolitan enough, not enough marketing potential and they were French Canadian so he just flat out refused to play. So yeah--he was a bad boy.

But he was also an amazing player--he was constantly 4th all time in points game for his first 5 years in the league, a big guy paying a small guy's game, known for playing on the famous Legio o Doom line for the Philadelphia Flyers... He may not have been the nicest player but man:

You Can Eat Crackers In Bed

Of course all good things come to an end--and a career filled with concussions didn't help--and in 2007 he retired from playing the game as a player. To his credit he did donate 5 million dollars to London Health Sciences Centre  before taking a job as the NHLPA obudsman for a little over a year... Since 2008 he has been basically retired with the exception of a handful of Alumni games
here and there.

He also got fat which I am not going to post pictures of cause I would rather remember him this way

This Might Have been my 6th Grade Book Cover

Obsession

So Pharrell is doing a limited collection with Adidas which has leaked some of the photos already... I'm sure this is going to be expensive as hell but I really want that jacket in jacquard 

I know that the full collection drops May 30th so I'm getting my internet shopping skills on fleek

Inspiration Monday: Grace Coddington

Inspiration Monday: Grace Coddington 

I love that they got Grace Coddington to do a picture for Natives of New York... She is the best part of Vogue magazine--just amazing and proof you can do anything you want with your life... she is so weird and striking and creative--just a huge voice in the world of fashion who does not give a fuck

Fashion File-All Thats Fit To Print

Fashion File-All Thats Fit To Print

As we roll into summer everywhere but Los Angeles--seriously it has been super cold here the last few weeks--every store starts to roll out it's attempt at a new fashion line. This season the Gap decided to try something new--for them--and took a departure from their usual mix of stoic yet solid shorts.

 And I'm in Love!

What I love about this line is how it sticks close to both the Gap brand--simple lines, quality material, a subtle color scheme but also goes off point with the ethnic, geometric and graphic prints. Nothing screams summer like fun clothes with multi-colors and this line delivers.

Bright and Still Preppy

And while the pieces can run a little safe--the company is in a huge tailspin currently when it comes to their look--it's a nice step out of the box that is copying too much of J. Crew or Urban Outfitters. It is their aesthetic--easy enough for the grandparents to wear yet on point enough to be styled by your hipster child. That has always been what works best for Gap--versatile options that are a good value.

But these are my favorite--risky yet still masculine--something to be rocked this memorial day weekend!

(As always I was not paid or laid by any of the companies in this post--yet)

Obsession--napping nooks

Obsession--napping nooks

I really want this bohemian daybed--something to just throw myself on without all the mess and fuss of a chaise lounge... I really just want more places to nap in all honesty 

Fashion File: Art of the Month

Fashion File: Art of the Month

I have never been a fan of Uniqlo. I know that it has strong word of mouth but the plain-if well made-designs were too simple for me and felt too derivative of the late 1990s GAP. But I only knew this from their website--they didn't have a local shore in my area until recently so I hadn't seen the product in person.

Turns out I was wrong.

They have been doing an ongoing collection with SPRZ NY and MOMA (Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art) to do clothing and accessories inspired by/designed with various collaborators and estates... They add new artists each month and have run the gauntlet from Keith Haring to Robert Mapplethorpe .

In love with this Warhol bandanna 

The pieces are reasonable priced for men, women and kids--they are high quality and really inspired. There is really something for everyone right now--and the collection will continue to grow as they roll out more and more artists.

Obsessed with this Michael Brannon Sweatshirt--Which is already sold out

This is my favorite!!!

Honestly-this collection is a great way to upgrade your t-shirt for the summer. Nothing is classier than a love of art and these shirts really kick it up a notch. I'm glad I was wrong and gave Uniqlo a second chance--well worth the effort

(As always--I was not paid or laid by the store, artist, or persons mentioned above)

Met Ball Madness

Met Ball Madness 

I love the Met Ball--the drama... The madness... And that's just the party pictures

But seriously--here are my favorites. 

 

Amal looks gorgeous on George's arm

The insanity that is Sarah Jessica--Kween!!!

Uma looks flawless in this!!!

Lady Gaga? More like Empress Gaga

My dream team for a Hocus Pocus sequel... It's just their aesthetic 

This is just flawless--perfect fit and fashion 

This is poorly fitted but classic Chloe and I die at the beer maiden meets mandarin 

And here is the sexiest motherfucker of all... I would die for Ansel Elgort... Sexy

Obsession: Boots

Obsession: boots 

I'm totally obsessed with this latest look in the Pharrell/Channel advertising campaign--boots and riding gear are some of my favorite things... But I don't know if I can pull off green riding boots.

Book Whore-Gates of Hell by Calder Willingham

Book Whore-Gates of Hell by Calder Willingham

This collection of short stories was actually picked out by my book club--rare, hard to find and out of print at least for the physical copy. I had heard of Willingham before--he worked in Hollywood as a prolific if somewhat forgotten screenwriter--his projects included "Bridge on the River Kwai", "Spartacus", "Rambling Rose" and "The Graduate." But I didn't know much about his fiction--even though he was considered highly among peers such as Tom Wolfe and William Faulkner.

And reading this collection of short stories I can see why.

Willingham's short story work is amazing--finely crafted tales of humanism that are definitely effected by the post-war mentality that took over during the 50s. His stories run the gauntlet from 50s style domestic drama to well-crafted dark comedies about suicide and racism--he has an economy with words that is both sparse and spirited.

And even when he indulges in the most 50s tropes; faux science articles, space age oddities and somewhat lax gender relations--Willingham continues to have a strong sense of voice and tone that is uniquely his own but also seems to have inspired writers who came after him.

A great read

Where are they Wednesday

Where are they Wednesday: Tommy Page

I have always considered myself a music buff--and I have a collector of the masters of the 80s/90s including Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, New Kids on the Block, and of course – Tommy page…

He was known for his sensitive songwriting and piano playing--he was also the type of nonsexual pretty boy that your parents wanted you to be into at that age… His album cover was a combination church boy meets gap model/shot by a decent Bruce Weber but with clothes on.

He wasn't going to get your daughters pregnant that's for sure…

He had a few minor hits--"I break down", "When I dream of you", "Paintings in My Mind"--but who can forget his number one duet with the New Kidds on the Block?

Where's the Hohay AKA Where are New Kids?

And then one day he disappeared

Actually it is not all that dramatic--turns out that Page did really well overseas so when his third album didnt really land here--he just turned his focus to Asia.

Seriously Big--Like Still Touring and Recording

But that's not it--he also became a huge part of the music business by working as an A&R executive for Warner Brothers Records with groups such as Green Day, Michael Buble and Josh Groban before he left there to become the publisher of Billboard!

Sexy Suit--They Need Him on Empire

And finally he works know at Pandora as Head of Music Partnerships--like he is a really big deal well beyond Japan... And he is still performing overseas--though he hasnt been in the American market for a while--I think I would just have to see him,

I'll Be His Everything--Sorry Husbear

Inspiration Monday: EVA

Inspiration Monday: EVA

Part of the reason I think I love vintage looks and eclectic uses of antique furniture is because my parents were borderline hippies--sure we still listened to Two Live Crew and got shaved haircuts after Sinead O'Connor--but we also spearheaded the community's first recycling center, water conservation movements and didn't eat meat...

Everyone was doing retro Hippie in the 90s

The only reason we weren't vegan is my parents had to feed their two kids something.

So when it comes to ideas to help the environment I am always in--and with the current California drought happening I found this to be amazing



I think  why I like the EVA so much is that it is "practical activism" as my parents used to call it--giving people something they really want but hiding something good and healthy in the mix. Like hiding medicine in hot dogs--the idea that my water will be a perfect temperature from the word go is amazing--but it will also save tons of water while I am deep conditioning my hair or shaving my toes

Why No--I'm NOT from the Shire--Why do you ask?

Wait--did I just say that?

Regardless--it's a good thing and the prices are pretty decent for the whole set up too..

Eva on IndieGoGo

(As always--I did not paid or laid by the products in this post--I just really like the product)

Making Room

Just making room in the closet for this new piece--from Forever21and new this week

Where Are They Wednesdays

Where Are They Wednesdays: Michael Schoeffling

Okay--this is a new column about those great boys crushes of days past--the covers of Tiger Beat, TGIF, Total Request Live--the boys who drove us crazy and leave a hazy memory or two of the perfect crush... And I'm going to go straight classic with this one--

Swoon Jake Ryan

I was totally obsessed with Michael Schoeffling from the word go--Jake was the perfect high school guy--between his looks, his kind of dumb yet puppy dog personality and a certain charm that took away the rough edges... And so I watched him in EVERYTHING

Why Yes That is A Faux Hawk--and A Half Naked Forrest Whittaker

I watched the biking movie Vision Quest for a month on a loop--it had that odd homoeroticism going on for a sport movie--I mean he leads a group fight in their underwear for no real reason... The fact that parents didn't figure out I was gay from this alone--yikes...

But Schoeffling wasn't just an actor--he was an in-demand model who did various campaigns for fashion houses such Missoni and the covers of magazines including GQ... You couldnt go anywhere without seeing him in the 80s fashion landscape--and I was able to print those pictures off the internet and hang them in my room.... This was when I told my parents I was learning to pose so I could become a male model

Because Hanging This Was Fooling Anyone

Of course--eventually Schoeffling got married, left the business and has two children of his own... He now owns and works as a furniture maker--I briefly debated putting a custom Schoeffling piece on my wedding registry but figured that might be a bit much for even me...

The funny thing is that he is so remembered for "Sixteen Candles" that some of his more interesting work is left out--his small interesting part in "Long Time Companion", the cult classic horse film "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" and the Melissa Gilbert classic "Sylvester" 

Though to be honest--in my old age I have discovered that my favorite role is him in "Mermaids"--there is something so firm and adult and sexy about him in that him. It helps that he and Ryder have a great chemistry and his role is all about his simple ease as an actor.

I mean come on--He made me want to join a convent

I am sure he gets this all the time but he was totally my first crush--I'm pretty sure he made me gay!

Obsession

Obsession

Okay--so I have been thinking of doing something drastic with my hair--going off the reservation and doing something really detailed and kind of high maintenance for me. And maybe I have been watching too much news or too much twitter but I have been getting more and more obsessed with Anderson Cooper which led to this idea getting stuck in my head

It's a combination of silver, white and gray colors intermixed with high lights and low lights and balayage--it is almost aging but anti aging when you do it with a baby face... The only thing holding me back is that it would be very high maintenance for the summer because I am pretty sure you cant spend your weekends in the pool without it turning brassy pretty quickly. 

If anyone has any suggestions or idea on how hard it would be to maintain--let me know. I'm very interested in this idea. I find it weirdly youthful and kind of romantic yet whimsical. 

Fashion File Fridays: A Star is Worn

Fashion File Fridays: A Star is Worn

So the Husbear, my friend Joy and I have been on a mission to slowly and surely work our way through the Barbra Streisand cinema collection--from Funny Girl and down the line. This is honestly their bag more than mine--I know nothing about her films and thought that "The Mirror Has Two Faces" was the one were she plays a therapist helping a Nick Notle through a sex crime--which is why I was disturbed that they both said it was one of their favorite films by her

But I digress

So we finally got to the 1976 classic "A Star Is Born"; a classic in the campiest sense because this movie isnt just off the rails but it never knew the rails existed. It makes me almost want to see the the Judy Garland version to see if that storyline is always as bad or if the 70s just coked it up.

But I loved the clothes in this movie--LOVED THE CLOTHES!!!! It is so mid-seventies and on the verge of the late 70s disco look-it is hippie and Los Angeles and beach and possibly ethnically offensive. I just get it--like how can you not love this:

The perm, the lace, the light makeup, BABY'S BREATH in the hair! It is so hippie and commune living and I love it. Honestly I don't like many flowers but if I had seen this film before my wedding I would have scattered baby's breath in my pompadour before the ceremony.

And while this look might be dated--there is a lot of the film that is on fleck for today's fashion--it embraces patterns and colors along with a healthy love of accessories and statement jewelry. I mean-cannot you not see this on Alicia Keyes, Project Runway or next season's Empire:

Though I suspect there would probably be a bra anywhere else but this movie--somehow they seemed to not have budget to support the girls as it were. But there is something so high end and yet effortless about the fashion--its what I think of when I see the LA look and something I can take ideas for a guys wardrobe from. And it is a simple look:

This is just a white cardigan worn as a shirt--nothing underneath it--and it is so simple and clean and easy but the sweater itself is so boho that it makes it into something you might see on Alexa Chung. I like that she just looks like she might have been topless sunbathing and need to come to the store or maybe the night breezes picked up--but it was unplanned and yet so perfect.

And then movie wasn't afraid to bring in cultural references which was also very 70s:

And while the kimono is a bit of a stretch in this picture--when she wears it with jeans, boots and a belt it is a fun, interesting look... But really this second look with the serape style top, the cowl neck shirt and the turban is a perfect re-imagining of various ethnic pieces and is a look that could be recreated right now at Free People, Urban Outfitters and Forever 21. It's just on point.

I mean--this movie really did have a very good California esthetic when it comes to fashion--and it has a lot of details and ideas I can try and play forward into my summer wardrobe. Except the kimono--that's a bit too much for me